[Violette]

Originally Posted by Kobi

There was an interesting article in the paper today about single women,
over 40, who are feeling the void of simple, consistent companionship in
their personal lives.

These women have had wishlists of qualities, characteristics etc. for a permanent partner
but have found few who measure up to their ideal.
As a result, rather than "settling" for less than the ideal,
these women have been going without.

Interestingly, I have matched a former partner's extensive wish list. I was shocked. Prior to this experience, I had looked a lot of online profiles and read some folks' wish lists and thought, "My goodness, you're never going to find anyone who meets all of those things!" It got to the point that I wouldn't even finish reading those profiles.

Now, they are apparently rethinking their wishlists to devise a more practical and viable
(and maybe realistic) list of important things in a partner/companion.

So, I am wondering the following:

If you have a wishlist for a partner/companion is it an ideal list or a
guide of sorts?

I have a few things that I think are needed for a healthy relationship. I'm fairly open about some things, but some qualities are needed.

Have you revised your list to increase your chances for finding an
appropriate partner/companion as you have matured in age?

I find that I get more refined about the qualities I find necessary. The more people I have gotten to know, the more I know about what works for me and what doesn't. So, the list gets revised, but it is in accordance to my growth.

Do you feel like you are settling if you deviate from your list?

I don't feel that applies for me. Learning more about what works and does not work for yourself and adjusting your list accordingly, isn't settling. I realize you are likely speaking of people who have long lists and just find the need to cut it down to be with someone. My point is that "lists" change, but not necessarily for the reasons you write.

If you find someone who's company you enjoy, and who treats you well,
but doesnt measure up to your preferred standards in some way,
can you set your list aside and just enjoy the company? Or, do you
find yourself holding back in case a more suitable suitor comes along?

It seems to me, it's a good idea to wait for the one who might work best. Having said this, I've met much older couples (late 70's, 80's plus) who have done this. They are together for companionship and it's not really about the romance (not that older folks can't have wonderful romances, just sharing what I've seen--that there's comfort in consistent supportive companionship).

Is there a point, age wise, when you can see yourself letting go of
the need for bells, whistles, and fireworks in exchange for pleasant,
consistent, mutually satisfying, supportive companionship?

As mentioned above, matching the former partner's extensive list did not make our relationship last. Behind the list is a human who has a way of interacting with you that may or may not work for you. It turned out, she did not fit my "list" of basic qualities that I need for a relationship to work for me. Initially, there was a lot of potential; she met those qualities. Then it fell apart. When things get real deep and people get triggered, sometimes they can no longer "hold on" to those qualities. And it seems, that all of those qualities that I matched, didn't matter in the end.