[BullDog]

I do agree that red flags are often ignored but I don't agree that you always know from the beginning. That is why you get to know someone in the first place. That isn't just due to someone being potentially a bad apple or dishonest either. It's just getting to know them in all different situations. You need to be able to get along and communicate well - both when things are going well and when there is a misunderstanding or problem. And I also agree it is best to get to know someone on your own because you may have an entirely different way of viewing a person and getting along with them than another person does.

I have had many surprises - mostly good and some bad - from getting to know someone better in person. Some could definitely be from not paying attention to red flags but some things you just don't know until it happens. And I don't feel anyone has ever been fundamentally dishonest with me or tried to hide some bad part of herself. And I have done the same. I am always Me. There are definitely some things that I would have never, ever anticipated.

Logistics has also played a role because I tend to always be interested in someone who lives far away! I don't do that on purpose. I always have specific reasons why I am interested in someone. It just has made it difficult to have lots of time visiting in person before making a move due to money, time, distance, etc. So I have made moves based on limited amount of time spent in person, which isn't the greatest thing. It has however involved tons and tons of extensive communication and interaction, just not a lot in person. But I haven't moved out of some kind of desperation that I couldn't be alone or had to have instant marriage. It just was the next step and lots of visits were kind of not real practical at the time. It wasn't ideal. But I took the chance because I do have flexibility due to my work and situation, and real, enduring love and and sharing my life with the woman I love is worth it to me. If I had been able to spend more time in person before making a move would things have turned out differently in past relationships? I don't honestly know, but it is something I wish I could have done and if I can't... maybe it is something I need to pay attention to. It is something I have thought about a lot.

I would much prefer not to do LDR because it is hard enough without the extra factors, but it can be worth if you find the right person. However, when it doesn't work out it does take a huge emotional toll. So I definitely don't blame those who prefer to only date locally, but I understand those who are giving LDR a shot as well.