[Julie]

Personal space is dictated by my mood, and this can change from touch me to get the hell away from me in an instant. I am a recluse... I do not like people very much, especially in my space. Though, I love humanity and work for it. If I never have to leave my home, it is huge which is why I work at home - I don't have to see people.

I grew up with parents who were part of the "love" generation (60's hippies) and grew up with intense beautiful touch. A family bed, where we could sleep whenever we chose. I touch my children whenever I can. My partners, well - they can suffer from my coldness, if I go there. I am not sure where it comes from. It is not how I grew up and I think I should to therapy. Serious!

If you are invited into my home - it will become your home and you will be loved. You probably will be touched if you are in my home, because I love you and have invited you there. I will probably even tuck you in when its time to say goodnight (well maybe not, but I will want too). If I have invited you into my home, it is because I trust you.

I am having a hard time with this thread, writing - because people see me as all warm and bubbly - friendly... Especially because of my work. And I am all of those things, but it is really hard and scary for me to put myself out there.

I do not like to travel for work, it scares me - because then I have to be in spaces I have no control over. I need my space - I do not like having to put a smile on my face. Same with personal travel - out of my element and really hard for me. It shocks me still, as I sit here in Australia that I have left and am here - out of my space and element.

It's four in the morning for GOD SAKE and what am I DOING UP? I should probably re-read what I wrote, but I am not going too. I should be snuggled in bed with this other human being who craves touch (at least mine).

Oh... I am really good at warning prospective partners, that I come with major issues attached to my being. I am not sure why I warn them, except to say - maybe they will leave me alone. Those that don't - usually get me. And then I tend to feel really bad for them. I generally spend the next amount of years apologizing for my behavior.

It's 4am and my brain is not working so well.