Quote:
Originally Posted by AtLastHome
Lots here to ponder!
One area that I want to comment on is about victimization and perpetuation of abuse. The big problem here is that there are just no reliable studies based upon scientific method to demonstrate any relationship of victims as perps other than those that have been reported and prosecuted.
So, what about all of the people that were indeed abused (in various ways) and do not offend? We have no way of knowing what these numbers really are. There are anecdotal reports, but, that just doesn't give us much to go on.
What is sad about this to me is not having any kind of data to study how and why many victims of abuse do not fit the common belief structures of once a victim, then an offender. They do not go on to offend.
I was raised myself by parents that were abused and did not offend. In fact, something that was true of them was an uncanny sense of picking up on threats of abuse by others around myself and my siblings along with fierce protectiveness. In fact, I really listen to people I know with abuse histories in terms of their clueing in on a perpetrator. If they say something is creepy about someone, I take note. What are the differences in how these people navigate in the world and what is behind their ability to transcend the common stereotype of the abuse cycle? This is a big missing link!
I often think about what are the adaptive traits of someone that has an abuse history and does not offend? What is it about their nature that has provided them with the ability to see that they have choices about behavior?
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For me, I made some hard choices. Even as a child I knew I did not want to have children...just in case.
My goal in life is to be as different from my abuser as I can be. Thank you for saying what you did because many of us make it our life's goal to be different, to break the cycle.
We know when someone creeps us out...we know the signs. Sometimes when we are weak we might get involved with an abuser again, but we somehow manage to survive it and get out as quickly as possible.
We are survivors. We have faced our worst fear and survived and that we survived does not mean we are bound to repeat the cycle.