Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperButch
My gut reaction is this......
Young butches/femmes (up to maybe 30/early 30's) want monogamy right away.
Past early 30's I think that butches desire to settle into a relationship more quickly than femmes the same age. My experience is that it is this age that femmes kind of "grow into their own". They become more confident, more empowered to be who they want to be, and less anxious about being in a relationship.
For some reason, I don't think butches move into this in the same sort of way. I don't know what that is about, but over my 15 years of being on b-f sites, this is something I have noticed. There is a larger population of older butches dating younger femmes than the reverse. I think that this often are the butches who want the quick monogamy factor (I am thinking maybe mid-later 30's butches who dating mid-late 20's femmes).
Admittedly, I haven't thought about this before, so this is a quick gut response.
I am curious to see if our gender identities (butch/femme) and our ages and the ages we date will play a factor in our perceptions and personal experiences.
I think it was be great if people were willing to state their gender identity/age when they post, as it will add fodder to the discussion.
I'll go first. I am a 44 year old butch.
Thanks for the topic, cupcake!
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I'll go next...
47 Year old Butch.
You brought up some interesting points.
Never thought about this much. I don't think that Butches want to jump into monogamy more than femmes as much as I think that cupcake was wanting to ask the questions from her perspective and experience, which is why this was addressed to the Butches. I could be wrong though.
I've always dated younger than I. Never thought about your point above where you talk about older butches dating younger femmes because of wanting quick monogamy. That hasn't held true for me in my earlier years or now. That's not the reason I like younger women. Besides, I've met plenty of "older" (meaning older than the Butch seeking the monogamy) femmes who want to have a quick monogamous relationship. So I think Butches who want monogamy right now can find it all over the age spectrum and do.
It will be interesting to see if anyone else chimes in because I'm not saying this is wrong. I just haven't had that experience before.
I've always wanted monogamy aside from my last relationship. Still do.
Age has a lot to do with it for me at this point in my life. Let's face it. I'm not the spring chicken I once was. I don't want to get into another relationship that won't work for me, her, or both of us. So I'm wiling to take my time dating and not just jumping into the "you are my gf now" monogamy after a few dates. Yes, I have been guilty of this in the past. Euphoria can be a bitch!
All I know is that I don't want to be one of those Butches who gets to a certain age and settles for someone. No one will be happy with that situation. So the scenario of this thread, where she wants to take time getting to know each other is fine by me, maybe even the best way to go about things at this point.