Yesterday, my therapist and the new therapist shared a 3-way phone call with me, so my therapist could introduce me to the new therapist and so that the new therapist could go over some things that we will continue covering in my PTSD sessions.
My biggest trigger is brought on by those who have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Both of my parents suffer narcissism (NPD) and three of my siblings have it too. Growing up in a household of competing narcissists (so crazy toxic) and separating myself from the prevailing sick winds of narcissism has been a lifelong struggle. It wasn't until T---p began to occupy the WH that it sent me into escalating panic attacks and escalated the PTSD I have suffered from, most of my life, but just never had a name for it until I had to reach out for help by my primary care physician, which led to me going for therapy for the past two years. When my abusive dad died this past February, I felt nothing except that his death marked the unraveling of the years long competition between him and my mother, but when my abusive father died, my mom has gotten worse and her constant helicoptering, secrecy about her next manipulative moves, etc., has made it hard on me because although I have put a fuck ton of distance between myself and my family, it doesn't stop them or faze them that I don't want to be a part of their sick and toxic behavioral ways that they live and communicate by, with each other (and others).
So, my new therapist asked me to chase down a copy of a book authored by Sandra Hotchkiss:
Why is it always about you? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (August 7th, 2002).
One of the things my new therapist has asked me to do is to read the book and then begin a journal of notes about things I read in the book that connect to experiences I have lived through. So that is what I will be doing, until we meet for our first session in September and then for the next six months, we will work on the things I find that parallel my life experience and what I can do to help myself. Before the pandemic broke out, the new therapist I have been partnered with used to run a small group counseling session for those of us triggered severely by the people in our lives who have NPD.
It's going to be rough, like it always has been, but I am determined to overcome and do more than just survive.
Here's an introduction to the type of book I will be reading by Hotchkiss: