Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Al-anon, Nar-anon: when someone you love is practicing addiction.

*Anya* · 05-23-2016, 07:37 AM

I hesitated to respond to your post Irish but feel compelled.

Thank you for your total honesty and vulnerability in sharing this with us.

I hesitated to respond because I thought to myself , "I am sure she is already doing this"; but maybe you are not.

I work with addicts/alcoholics in my job. Most of them practiced their disease until they got involved with the legal system. For many, the judge gave the choice of jail or treatment.

One of the first things that I tell them is that it doesn't matter how many times that you fall but that you keep getting up and working on your sobriety. It gives them a tiny bit of hope because many of them feel that all hope is lost and that they will live like this the rest of their lives.

I work with their families if they chose to have them involved. I am forever surprised that so many have never thought to go to an Al-Anon meeting.

At first, they always feel that if they begged, cried, pleaded, enabled, took care of, tried harder or tried more, the addict would just say, "Ok, I chose you".

If only it were that easy. In the beginning, the addict/alcoholic is in the grip of their disease but the loved ones are also in the grip of theirs. Your girlfriend is choosing the bottle over you right now because she is truly addicted. You may be addicted to a certain way of behaving with her.

If you are not, please go to Ala-Anon meetings. You will meet people there that will teach you and support you. If you have already gone and want to say , "I didn't like it or my family is not like theirs"; if you are living with a practicing alcoholic: you are living exactly what they lived.

If you try everything, learn everything and your girlfriend does not even respond to an intervention; you must save yourself.

You must take care of you.

Some of my clients that were 20-year heroin addicts or alcoholics finally were ready to get clean and stay clean and are now living a sober life.

Your girlfriend may decide to do the same but she may not. Regardless, you can not save her from herself.

That is the hardest lesson of all but at the core of everything.

Al-Anon Information Services in Nevada

Nevada Web site http://www.nevadaal-anon.org

LAS VEGAS. (702) 615-9494

LAS VEGAS NORTE ESPAÑOL. (702) 309-7030

RENO. (775) 348-7103

05-23-2016, 07:37 AM	#37
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I hesitated to respond to your post Irish but feel compelled. Thank you for your total honesty and vulnerability in sharing this with us. I hesitated to respond because I thought to myself , "I am sure she is already doing this"; but maybe you are not. I work with addicts/alcoholics in my job. Most of them practiced their disease until they got involved with the legal system. For many, the judge gave the choice of jail or treatment. One of the first things that I tell them is that it doesn't matter how many times that you fall but that you keep getting up and working on your sobriety. It gives them a tiny bit of hope because many of them feel that all hope is lost and that they will live like this the rest of their lives. I work with their families if they chose to have them involved. I am forever surprised that so many have never thought to go to an Al-Anon meeting. At first, they always feel that if they begged, cried, pleaded, enabled, took care of, tried harder or tried more, the addict would just say, "Ok, I chose you". If only it were that easy. In the beginning, the addict/alcoholic is in the grip of their disease but the loved ones are also in the grip of theirs. Your girlfriend is choosing the bottle over you right now because she is truly addicted. You may be addicted to a certain way of behaving with her. If you are not, please go to Ala-Anon meetings. You will meet people there that will teach you and support you. If you have already gone and want to say , "I didn't like it or my family is not like theirs"; if you are living with a practicing alcoholic: you are living exactly what they lived. If you try everything, learn everything and your girlfriend does not even respond to an intervention; you must save yourself. You must take care of you. Some of my clients that were 20-year heroin addicts or alcoholics finally were ready to get clean and stay clean and are now living a sober life. Your girlfriend may decide to do the same but she may not. Regardless, you can not save her from herself. That is the hardest lesson of all but at the core of everything. Al-Anon Information Services in Nevada Nevada Web site http://www.nevadaal-anon.org LAS VEGAS. (702) 615-9494 LAS VEGAS NORTE ESPAÑOL. (702) 309-7030 RENO. (775) 348-7103 __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner