[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Thanks to Wiki:

In his dialogue The Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present a story about soul mates. Aristophanes states that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. He continues that there were three genders: man, woman and the "Androgynous". Each with two sets of genitalia with the Androgynous having both male and female genitalia. The men were children of the sun, the women were children of the earth and the Androgynous were children of the moon, which was born of the sun and earth. It is said that humans had great strength at the time and threatened to conquer the gods. The gods were then faced with the prospect of destroying the humans with lightning as they had done with the Titans but then they would lose the tributes given to the gods by humans.

Zeus developed a creative solution by splitting humans in half as punishment for humanity's pride and doubling the number of humans who would give tribute to the gods. These split humans were in utter misery to the point where they would not eat and would perish so Apollo had sewn them up and reconstituted their bodies with the navel being the only remnant harkening back to their original form. Each human would then only have one set of genitalia and would forever long for his/her other half; the other half of his/her soul. It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that.

My perspective:

I researched Wiki because I had wondered where the concept of a soul mate originally came from.

I like Plato's concept of unity.

I think that if one finds a love that complements the self, that is as close to a soul mate that one could hope for.

I have had relationships in which we were so much alike I often did not know where I ended and the other person began. My 19 year relationship was like that. By the time I finally ended it- I did not know who I was as a person anymore.

I believe it was more enmeshment than that of soul mates.

My current girlfriend and I are in love and I love her as a person.

I don't know that she is my other half. I don't really even know what that means any more.

We are so different in the things and ways that my long-term ex and I were so much the same.

We don't like the same movies, TV shows, books. We have philosophical arguments that are ridiculous sometimes.

We both have a terrible need to be right until we have to laugh (if we did not already piss each other off).

Where we do totally connect is in our mutual respect, values, beliefs, sexual attraction and love.

For me, that is unity that I can live with- without losing myself.

Originally Posted by PinkZebraz

I do.

But not in the terms of "24/7 happiness never an argument just perfect" concept. I believe a soul mate is someone who creates a positive tide in your life. They push you to reach your goals and embrace your nature. I think its a feeling you get that reflects your soul finding it's other half. I do believe it can also be something you find in a friend. My husband is my soul mate, but my best friend also holds a soul mate status because of the same reasons.

Originally Posted by Femmadian

I don't think soulmates exist. I find the alternative is much more romantic.

For me, I think the concept of soulmates can be very seductive in that it kind of absolves us of responsibility for looking after our relationships, sticking it out in the tough times, trying to understand the aspects of our partner we might not otherwise want to understand, and it also allows us to more readily wash our hands of someone or something with the idea that "oh, if s/he were really the right one or if this were really the 'right' relationship, we wouldn't fight (or at least not this much) and it wouldn't be so hard. I guess we're not really 'meant to be.'" I think it also keeps us in relationships or with people with whom we otherwise might not (or should not) remain.

I think it's far more romantic to not have the belief in a soulmate but to give it a go anyway despite all the odds. To recognize each other's flaws, wake up each and every morning and make the conscious choice to love and be with someone, to acknowledge the fact that those initial giddy, feverish feelings of infatuation will eventually (and quite naturally) fade a bit with time and to be patient and aware enough to see and feel the deep, abiding love which replaces them... to make the decision to create a life together and respect and love each other as best you are able while accepting each other, warts and all... that, to me, is romantic.

I think the sticking point for me with the concept of soulmates (aside from, you know, being an atheist and all) is the idea of choosing vs being chosen. I want to be with someone who chooses me for who I am and what I am to them (and vice versa), how we mesh and who we are as a couple, and to not feel as though they think I was chosen for them according to some ethereal concept that neither of us can really adequately define. I need something concrete, tangible, and real. If you tell me you love me because the stars are aligned and you "just knew" upon meeting that I was "the one"... well, maybe that sounds nice in poetry and it works for some people but it doesn't really pass the smell test for me. If, however, you tell me you love me because you've seen me at my worst, now know my flaws, and you still want to be with me in spite of everything because you still get that ache when I walk through the door, to me that's love.

Originally Posted by Ginger

IMO, a soul mate is someone who really "gets" you, sees your strengths without idealizing you and accepts your flaws without contempt.

Someone you can be yourself with, who makes it easy to be your best self.

On top of that, you share surface things with this person, like activities and aesthetics and ways of being in the world, not to mention, sexual energy.

I don't think everyone will experience that dynamic or have what we're calling a "soul mate."

I believe we do everything in our power to be open and true to ourselves etc. but there are things we aren't in control of, being in the right place at the right time to meet that person.

I don't mean to be negative, I just think that's the way it is. It's part of being alive, to accept this. IMO.

Originally Posted by Smiling

I don't believe in the concept of a soulmate; I believe in Karma.

But soulmate, like everything else, is just a word and is therefore only as meaningful (or meaningless) as any of us make it. Personally, I find that term very limiting - I think interrelationships of all beings are far more complex and beautiful than that word encompasses.

I firmly believe that if you move about in the world believing in whatever, then you are very likely to find all sorts of "proof" that whatever it is, is in fact, true.

Confirmation bias, I believe they call it.

Originally Posted by Venus007

I don't believe in soulmates in the traditional romantic relationship Disney/pop American culture interpretation. Meaning "the one", someone who is destined for you and you for them who will always magically know what you need and who will never wax and wane over time, your other half, so in synch is must be supernatural.

I think that is an unfair, unhealthy fantasy that sets people up to only have short to medium term relationships that ultimately leave them disappointed because it sets an impossible standard not based in the reality of human animal nature.

What I do believe in is that there are people who because of their life experiences, outlook, understanding, personality and desires match pretty closely with yours or even better beautifully compliment you and that gives rise to a connection and delicious frisson that together you tend, groom, and shape over time.

To me ultimate love is more of an ongoing piece of performance art rather than a divine intervention.

Originally Posted by Medusa

Yes.

And that feeling of recognition when you look into their eyes or kiss them or just feel their presence. The thing where your soul sighs and says to itself, "Oh, I know you...and maybe I've known you in other lifetimes but I definitely know you".

The feeling of all the gears sliding smoothly in time before the soft *click* where the intricate and sometimes jagged edges of one another find their perfect position. The most delicate and specific puzzle piece that has only one match.

Yes, *that*.

I picked up and re--quoted other member opinions on whether they believe in if an soul mate exists.... I resonate with each member's thoughts.

Myself, though???

I don't know that, generally speaking about, an soul mate, as some people have described above, exists.

I mean, there are people in my life that have known me for years and we know each other soooo well, that we already know what the other is thinking. Does it mean they're a soul mate? I don't think so. I think it's a clear case of people knowing each other so well that it's highly unlikely that anything they say or do, will take us by surprise. It's just that we know each other really well.

I loved reading the post by Smiling, which spoke to Confirmation Bias. Right on, I totally get that concept and how it works. But, I also loved Ginger's idea about the idea that another person can love you and accept your flaws without contempt. I totally get the idea Medusa talks about, when all those tangible and intangible elements experienced by both parties and how they *click* into place. I just loved reading Venus007's process of understanding -- that ultimately love on progress is more like an work of art in progress, rather than divine intervention.

I don't know that I specifically buy into the idea of some person who turns out to be my "soul mate."

Here's what I think is more realistic, because we all have our own reality, as we learn and grow: I think that a loving relationship involves commitment, the ability to accept another for who they are and to commit to nurturing their romantic relationship in terms that will allow each party to know they are the number 1 priority in the other person's life.

Prioritizing for ourselves and giving the one we're in an romantic relationship with is not single handedly done on own own. Commitment toward preserving the relationship over time is probably the best investment in mutual happiness that any couple could do, and it takes lots of energy, lots of willingness to work cooperatively over the span of your romantic involvement/relationship.

I'm sure I've not said everything I could say or expressed all that is on my mind.

Here's to romance, love and dreams that come true.