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Tiffany Aching · 11-07-2016, 06:03 PM

I visited this site only once on a whim, ages ago. And tonight, I thought of it, and out of curiosity and having something to do, I came again.

Interestingly, one of the trending topics is this. And it just jumped out.

I have lost my mother 2 weeks ago. She has been struggling with health, and its possible that if doctors reacted in timely manner that she would be still here (and this was admitted to me by professionals). I am wrecked with guilt for not being more assertive and finding the right help at the time.

She was my best friend, the person whom I admired the most, who unfortunately had a very hard life and was suffering terrible chronic pain most of her life that couldnt be helped due to various reasons.

I keep thinking every day " I should call mum" and that sudden realization that I can't hits me in the gut and I am not able to breathe.

I didn't cry at the funeral. It was like I wasn't even there, cuz I knew SHE wasn't there, just her body.

I even managed to sing, pitch perfect, I have no idea how, at her funeral. And that was because, 5 days before she died, she told me, the lovely spirit she was, even in all that pain "hey darling why dont you sing for me" and I told her I wasn't in the mood and didn't. And now I curse my self for it.

This grief is so all-consuming and at the same time I feel like its not real, like this is some parallel universe, and I am stuck in one where the doctors didn't help, and there is the other, where everything was sorted, like it should have been.

Noone ever loved me like she did, and nobody ever had such zest for life, despite everything that happened to them, and I feel she was ultimately betrayed, her hope, optimism, yearn for knowledge, everything she wanted and could have done.

I keep thinking of everything I will not be able to share with her.

She wanted to live so much, and she coped with so much, and at the end, all the hope was just gone due to incompetence and lack of interest for someone who is over 65. I wish there was no hope and that she couldn't have been helped, that would at least give me some solace.

This way, I am just left with emptiness and lost chances.

Mind how you go, mum.

11-07-2016, 06:03 PM	#24
Tiffany Aching Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Ankh-Morpork Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 25 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	I visited this site only once on a whim, ages ago. And tonight, I thought of it, and out of curiosity and having something to do, I came again. Interestingly, one of the trending topics is this. And it just jumped out. I have lost my mother 2 weeks ago. She has been struggling with health, and its possible that if doctors reacted in timely manner that she would be still here (and this was admitted to me by professionals). I am wrecked with guilt for not being more assertive and finding the right help at the time. She was my best friend, the person whom I admired the most, who unfortunately had a very hard life and was suffering terrible chronic pain most of her life that couldnt be helped due to various reasons. I keep thinking every day " I should call mum" and that sudden realization that I can't hits me in the gut and I am not able to breathe. I didn't cry at the funeral. It was like I wasn't even there, cuz I knew SHE wasn't there, just her body. I even managed to sing, pitch perfect, I have no idea how, at her funeral. And that was because, 5 days before she died, she told me, the lovely spirit she was, even in all that pain "hey darling why dont you sing for me" and I told her I wasn't in the mood and didn't. And now I curse my self for it. This grief is so all-consuming and at the same time I feel like its not real, like this is some parallel universe, and I am stuck in one where the doctors didn't help, and there is the other, where everything was sorted, like it should have been. Noone ever loved me like she did, and nobody ever had such zest for life, despite everything that happened to them, and I feel she was ultimately betrayed, her hope, optimism, yearn for knowledge, everything she wanted and could have done. I keep thinking of everything I will not be able to share with her. She wanted to live so much, and she coped with so much, and at the end, all the hope was just gone due to incompetence and lack of interest for someone who is over 65. I wish there was no hope and that she couldn't have been helped, that would at least give me some solace. This way, I am just left with emptiness and lost chances. Mind how you go, mum.