[gracefaith]

Life is a struggle for me too; Andrew,

and in my dark time, God is my light; burning in my spirit fire, I feel for you as you injured major loss, personal devastation, and your health...

I wonder what it'll be like someday when we have bodies that won't die and get sick

I"ve learn about my moods which even though you welcome me a great weekend; it'll soon be the weekend; my moods as of right now are on the slight over the the side of where I'm going more into surrender and even more into surrender; ;

and in the midst of my dad saying he doesn't want to ever see me again; this is triggering this mood thats quite interesting; I tell you; in the midst of this mood, I will worship God, allow God to teach me;

for a while I was rebelling against this mood, as I regress backward into my huge panic, as if this mountain of fear and I tell you; I feel I'm on the same page as you, faith that gets me through;

oh at times I'll enjoy dissecting different faiths; such as grammar, did Jesus walk the earth during the old or new testament; fun to dissect...

but there's this: in this mood this mood that I'm in, if I lose everyone if I become homeless I have God.

I won't become homeless now; but I have been homeless before; so I know what that's like; but the point I'm making is; if I lose everything; everything; I have God; I have God who's my home, who's my rock; who's my identity;

all I need is God;

I will live by faith and not by sight; I will be cloth in God's white light; white light that feeds my spirit fire of life; fire of life in my spirit in my chest area; if I fail; God will use it; if my dad never sees my love for him; God will use it; I'm available God;

God I pray; I pray onto you; I give you me; just as I am in this mood; in the midst of this mood; in the shadow I will walk in God; to those who can't forgive me and who never want to see me again; such as my dad; the type of forgiveness where I can't live up to his expectations; if he can't forgiven me then I'll see him in heaven - for he doesn't want to see me here on earth;

to whom rejects me; I'll see in heaven; in this fire of life healing; where there's no death but connection for truth will only be; and this includes even me; where I need healing; my own blame where I went wrong; all can be heal; all is good in God;

I'm in this mood; yet I won't try to rid of this mood; instead in the midst of this mood I'll allow God teach me; yes God yes God a personal relationship;

Andrew actually as this is in this thread; any who reads this; I have zero compass; I had no guidelines I don't know how to be here; I don't know the rules; if I address to you; I'm sure its ok if others writes too; but it is this; I feel God's peace right now; it is God who I will serve, I'm God's child

I might be silent for a while; cause I need God; I need to drink God be alone with God; I need to cry onto God; but I will dress in faith my spiritual clothing God; white light; that lives in me... burns fire of reason to go on;

I'm married to God. God is my husband. I'm God's wife. God is my butch... I'm God's femm...

this I'm attach to, die to self; live as Christ; I will die to self yes and live Christ;


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