[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Dylan

Well, here's the thing, I would wonder why any straight ID'd person who wants nothing to do with the queer community would be here.

But why why why is it only assumed that very few femmes here would be interested? What about butches or transguys? Do they count? Or is it just about the assumption that femmes wouldn't be interested? Why is there NO assumption at all about what butches or transguys would be interested in?

And again, why is it assumed a man would only be interested in femmes? Perhaps that man is interested in butches?

I'm just curious about these repeated assumptions...in a queer community.

Also, why is it more acceptable if say a cis woman were to come here *questioning* her sexuality, but it's not ok if a man is here questioning *his* sexuality?

You said yourself if a cis woman married to a cis man were to come here, you're assumption would be (not that she IDs as queer, but) that she's 'questioning'. What if she made a few stupid comments while she were here *testing out the waters* or *questioning* her shit?

Now, I'm seriously NOT condoning anyone making stupid comments, and I've seen some of the comments re: straight women. I'm not condoning that. I am saying that I don't think One's queer ID has necessarily something to do with whom One is interested in partnering with.

I mean, frankly, I don't understand wanting to be on a queer site if you don't ID with the queer community. But again, I'm just really (truly) intrigued by some of the assumptions.


Dylan...I feel like we're starting to talk in circles.

To me this is a no-brainer-

Why do people do anything we don't understand? I don't understand certain relationship dynamics and choose not to participate in them, but not much surprises me these days. This is not to be obnoxious, I promise... I am not into the diaper fetish-not my cup of tea, but I've poked around on some sites because over the years because I'm oddly intrigued by what the "draw" is...

Also, I have some het friends who have asked me numerous questions over the years about me/my community/my identity. I have of course, dialogued with them...but I also have told them about the site(s) I participate in and who knows maybe they joined to educate themselves? I am taking the greater good side, here...and I am sure there are weirdos who join the site for some creepy fetish or to be an asshat.

Originally Posted by June

Sometimes, Dylan, all kidding aside, it feels like you are looking for answers to extreme hypothetical situations. So much of how I respond to individuals has to do with how they couch their involvement here. I can't say for sure what I would do/say or how I would feel if a cis man came here and started a thread claiming space for his own personal exploration into his sexuality. I have never seen that happen. Conversely, I have seen many cis women married to cis men come to these sites over the years and say "Hi, I think I might be a (insert ID here) and I want to talk about it". Many of them are still here with us, years later.

Inquisitive June thinks you might be looking for someone to say "Because the Butch/Femme dynamic as presented/repreresented in communities like this historically pertain to female bodied people" so we can play AHA! I think it's deeper than that with so many of our members now not IDing as female anything. So, while it may have started out that way, it is no longer true and we (as in all of us who engage on some level) are involved in the evolution of this community. And for me, as a Femme and a human, it is often a painful to watch and engage in.

Ditto this. Sometimes I feel like we go around and around doing the:

What if ________?
What about _________?

Of the 1200 members of the site, what if ONE person was offended by the word: PINK; are we going to ban the word PINK because one person might fly off the handle? When it is not a word that has ever been thought of as offensive? Or even the word Gay. Some don't like it, some might even feel it is offensive, but what does the MAJORITY feel? We get so much into the "one in a million" conversations that to me, it becomes pointless. I'm not saying we shouldn't be sensitive and recognize our behavior and language, but this "extreme case" kind of dialoguing is so laborious.