Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - So you want to start a poly relationship..

Martina · 05-24-2010, 05:06 PM

i agree that most people have a primary. i think that a lot of poly people date looking for a primary. And a lot of them find one.

i haven't seen a lot of shifting. People who are longstanding play partners aren't more for a reason usually. Shifting outward is doable but hard. Staying play partners with an ex-partner -- i'd have to wait a year or more before trying that.

The people i have seen have the most trouble are submissives who already have a primary they submit to. Most Dominants do not want to negotiate shared power or have power over the submissive only during time together. They want the package. It's too bad. Anytime someone finds an experienced and successful submissive, they ought to take a serious look at the possibilities -- unless they KNOW they want a primary.

i have been in a relationship with two Dominants at the same time. i started seeing them at about the same time. i didn't think either relationship really had serious potential. One was a bi femme, and i thought, Naaa. Famous last words. The other was a butch 15 years younger than i am. Both relationships evolved into more serious connections. The Dominants met each other and liked each other. They shared my time well. But power, not so much. When i broke up with one, the other was jubilant. i didn't realize how much he had wanted the other relationship to end until then. But the power sharing thing, while not as drama filled as it could have been, was clearly frustrating to the Dominants. i also was TIRED. Serving two Dominants in separate households is a LOT OF WORK!

Now i am a submissive to a couple in a primary relationship. i do not have a primary, nor am i looking for one. If i were, though, i might be in a tough position. What are the odds -- to meet someone you feel that kind of potential with, for her to be kinky, poly, and OK with you worshipping the ground that someone else walks on? that TWO someone elses walk on? The best case scenario would be if the potential primary were a switch and wanted to serve my Dominants too. Again, what are the odds?

05-24-2010, 05:06 PM	#3
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,366 Times in 4,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	i agree that most people have a primary. i think that a lot of poly people date looking for a primary. And a lot of them find one. i haven't seen a lot of shifting. People who are longstanding play partners aren't more for a reason usually. Shifting outward is doable but hard. Staying play partners with an ex-partner -- i'd have to wait a year or more before trying that. The people i have seen have the most trouble are submissives who already have a primary they submit to. Most Dominants do not want to negotiate shared power or have power over the submissive only during time together. They want the package. It's too bad. Anytime someone finds an experienced and successful submissive, they ought to take a serious look at the possibilities -- unless they KNOW they want a primary. i have been in a relationship with two Dominants at the same time. i started seeing them at about the same time. i didn't think either relationship really had serious potential. One was a bi femme, and i thought, Naaa. Famous last words. The other was a butch 15 years younger than i am. Both relationships evolved into more serious connections. The Dominants met each other and liked each other. They shared my time well. But power, not so much. When i broke up with one, the other was jubilant. i didn't realize how much he had wanted the other relationship to end until then. But the power sharing thing, while not as drama filled as it could have been, was clearly frustrating to the Dominants. i also was TIRED. Serving two Dominants in separate households is a LOT OF WORK! Now i am a submissive to a couple in a primary relationship. i do not have a primary, nor am i looking for one. If i were, though, i might be in a tough position. What are the odds -- to meet someone you feel that kind of potential with, for her to be kinky, poly, and OK with you worshipping the ground that someone else walks on? that TWO someone elses walk on? The best case scenario would be if the potential primary were a switch and wanted to serve my Dominants too. Again, what are the odds?