[boobookitty]

Life has ways of making the simplest things complicated. I can say things like, "I adore you." - "You are importaint to me." - "I am so grateful to have you in my life!" --so I say it out loud in other ways-- but not, 'I L-O-V-E you.'

I feel the responsibility. Those words really mean something to me. And I posted this as a 'poly' thread because she is not my primary, and never will be.
It is a 'friends with benefits' relationship, and she lives 4 and a half hours away, one way. We might get to see each other/ spend time together, 6 times a year and we are not fluid bonded. We have known each other over a year.

I worry (sort of) about her getting hurt, I would like her to date others. But she isn't out. She was many years ago, but when that realtionship fell apart she married a man, and stayed with him 8 years, and has now been divorced from him 3 years. This is not a problem for me, just a bit of history to show why I worry about her feelings. She grew up being told and believeing she is going to hell... ~yadda yadda~

So, to shorten the story... I am her 3rd voluntary relationship in her whole life. She is 44 now, I am 47. (just for reference and I have had MANY relationships)
regarless of how I 'feel' .. I think I need to protect her, form a lack of relationship experience... I have promised to always be her friend before anything else.

So I struggle with the balance.

(and I need to talk it out some of my own feelings and thoughts before I say something to her) We have talked frankly about the difference between "love" and being... "in love"

we talk several times a week... she has been to my home and met my family I have been to /stayed with her at her home and met her family.

I REALLY don't want her hurt!

(chuckles)
I did try to scare her off... but d*mn she has read almost everything I have ever posted on line. She knows almost as much about me as I do!