While I will try to give fair warning in the titles, a friend read this from my Facebook page and flattered me greatly in that she sent me the following conversation. Unfortunately, I hear a lot how many of my loved ones have suffered similar abuses.
She: i read today one of your notes....on your fb...and it floored me how amazing you are and you do not even know it.
s0litude2013: What note?
She: the one you wrote on Rape Empathy....
s0litude2013: Ahhhh.... the class assignment
She: yes
s0litude2013: I remember. I was ready to take an F on that one.
She: did you get an A?
s0litude2013: On the paper and in the class 
AND the curriculum was changed so no one has to go through it again.
She: good. your note, your strength to discuss your experiences in class and then post about it ...you simply amazed me
IF you've had the misfortunate of being harmed in this manner, do not read it. I don't wish to cause you more harm. I am told my writing style in this is quite raw, but for those of us who have experienced it, there IS strength in being open and sharing those experiences.
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Assignment: Rape Empathy (aka "Time to educate my professor ON empathy").
Nicholas ________
FHS 2450 – Human Sexuality
Paper: Rape Empathy
4 October 2012
Our assignment is “Rape Empathy”. I understand the assignment and what you are asking us to write. Please explain this to me, however: Where is your empathy, your compassion for the victims of rape? Reading this assignment in the syllabus, preparing to write the paper, I gave myself more credit than I deserved. It was much harder to write considering how personal a topic this is. It has been a painful exercise in self-control. While I am going to complete this assignment as I have no intention of losing the “A” I have worked for in this class, I hope that my paper’s conclusion will be as equally enlightening for you.
"Rape” is such a harsh word; simply forming the word, the expulsion of air, the slight “pop” of the lips as the sound comes to a halt has a jarring feel about it. I can write of being raped by my mother when I was 3 years old while her boyfriends watched and also molested me; I can write of being raped when I was 17 years old, the first time I had (forced) sexual intercourse with a man. We had both been drinking. I told him to stop, but he did not. I blacked out in the middle of it and awoke to find myself still being raped. As you have stated before that you do not have female genitalia so you cannot understand or account for certain things, I will give you a bit of insight on what it felt like afterwards: urination after intense intercourse (my first experience with intercourse as an adult) can be quite painful; the labia minora feel raw and practically “shredded” without proper lubrication and arousal. When I came home afterwards, I remember biting into my fist to keep my dad hearing me in the restroom trying to compose myself, avoiding his eyes for days out of the delusion that if I met his eyes, he’d see something “different” about me. Like many rape victims, I blamed myself. “I shouldn’t have been drinking.” Many years passed before I told anyone what had happened. To this day, I never told my dad what happened.
How was I affected physically, psychologically, and emotionally by this? Well, I have many of the symptoms associated with those suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): frequent nausea; migraines; sleep disorders; night terrors; and while I am sharing, severe gastrointestinal problems so advanced that back in 2008, my rectum muscle started to close off as a result of the panic attacks and anxiety I was experiencing. I had to have a Spinchterotomy performed, a double incision. This has a long recovery period considering a person cannot elevate, ice, and simply avoid using one’s rectum. Psychologically, I suffer from several medical issues that require a cocktail of medication to help control my emotions, my mood, and minimize the night terrors I commonly experience. I have explained this to those closest to me as feeling “bat shit crazy” at times. Emotionally, I feel damaged; I feel cheated out of the pleasures that “my first time” should have afforded me. I feel that I made a mistake of going home and “just dealing with it” when I should have ripped his scrotum off and made a cute little seamless change purse. After all, the scrotum is nature’s only seamless sack; this was learned in Chapter 5 when discussing male anatomy and physiology.
As for its effect on my relationships, I have this wonderfully cynical and sarcastic quick wit that some women find amusing and attractive. I tried being “promiscuous” thinking that if I had sex with enough men, I would eventually enjoy it. All I felt was numb. It could be the transsexualism; it could be the abuse. We are still working it out in therapy. I have trust issues. I have body and self-image issues. I am damaged. I can speak factually about the horrors, but I have issues with the emotional side of the events. I cannot feel some things; I do not want to feel them. I fear feeling anything because as soon as I do, I am going to crumble. I am going to fade away and be no more. I am handling this in therapy as well. Other than having no time in my schedule, it is very difficult for a woman to get close to me because I have to open up for that to occur. This means being vulnerable. It takes a great deal of trust for me to consider this with someone. At the time being, I am quite content to remain single.
So what have I learned about myths and stereotypes regarding rapists and victims? I have learned nothing that I did not already know. At my age, I have a better understanding of how the world works than my much younger classmates. I try not to be so jaded about things, but sometimes, it is hard to climb out of all the hopelessness and look for the good in life. I am blessed in that I have many people who do love and support me. I am fortunate that I have a wonderful medical team and good insurance to cover my needs at this time while I seek help. I have no illusions, however. Life is what a person makes of it; we keep moving forward, keep trying to smooth the edges and make the very best out of our lives.
Please understand that while I enjoy this class immensely, find many of the discussions quite entertaining, consider you to be a wonderful man and instructor, assigning a paper on RAPE EMPATHY where a person is “required” to discuss his or her own rape or the rape of someone else when it “is the fastest growing violent crime in America” (your words) should require empathy on your part. I strongly suggest that you remove this assignment from the syllabus for future semesters. The last time I was raped occurred 23 years ago, before several of my classmates were even born. I found this assignment horrifyingly traumatizing. Given that, can you imagine the 20 year old who was raped last year, last month, even last week having to write an assignment such as this? This is depraved; it is morally wrong. I happen to be in therapy currently for this, having attempted suicide because of this and other factors in my past, and I sure as hell do not need to be “graded” on it.
I, like others I have spoken to regarding this assignment, struggled through it and found the anxiety and slew of emotions heartbreaking. Some missed work; suffered emotional breakdowns; sought help from family, friends, or professionals they have worked with in the past—if they were fortunate enough to have sought help because so many do not or cannot; and some, like myself, took additional anxiety medication, toughed it out, and sat in righteous anger.
It was during that time of reflection that I simply could not let this go and decided to include this rant. I seriously considered submitting the following instead:
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Nicholas ________
FHS 2450 – Human Sexuality
Paper: Rape Empathy
4 October 2012
Fuck you. This is much too personal for anyone to write as an assignment. I will receive full credit for this, or I will be discussing the matter with our school's administration.
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In the future, I would recommend that alternative “Rape Empathy” assignments be provided such as:
Increasing Sensitivity to Rape Victims in the Medical Field,
Educational Reform and Sexual Sensitivity,
Thoughts on Rape Culture in America, or
Views on Rape During Times of War. Certainly a man with your credentials should be able to devise suitable alternative assignments to ensure that your students are learning the content you feel is necessary without re-traumatizing those unfortunate enough to have experienced this firsthand.