This gesture - for me - is part of those words or gestures that are OK with me if you are queer, but which shouldn't be done by straight people, or by queers in front of straight people.
Like I call myself queer to myself, and to other queers who know and love me, and it is fine (and affirming) if they call me that as well. However, I pretty much don't like it if non-queers call me that, or use it about others in conversation, and I call people out for it when it happens. I also call them out about agist, classist, racist and anti handicapped remarks, as much as I have energy for.
Your mom probably is not what she would call anti-gay. But we are who we are, raised in the world we were raised in, and pretty much all of us have prejudices no matter how long or diligently we struggle against them. I was raised without any significant prejudice in the 1960's, marched for civil rights, have always had African American friends, and raised two racially mixed sons, but I know I have not "beat" all my prejudices despite a lifetime of trying.
Your Mom feels bad, and she should feel bad, but try not to take on her stress. It's not that she said it in front of two lesbians, it's that she said it at all. But she's still your Mom and you still love her and she still loves you. That is not going to change over a chance gesture.
Smooches,
Keri
|