regarding things like big events, advertised events and so on and so forth, if something is advertised as a "Women" or a "lesbian" event, I will not go to that event (well, 100% for sure wouldn't go to that event on my own). It doesn't have to say "women only". But I would attend events that specify 'trans friendly' or 'all genders' but not a specific lesbian event. It's out of respect for women's space and also for my own personal comfort level. Fact is, most generic lesbians/lesbian spaces wouldn't 'get' the whole ID thing.
As for Queer spaces, that's a no brainer as I'll always ID as queer, feel queer, and therefore belong in 'queer' space, whether I look like a straight male or not.
my .02
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