Quote:
Originally Posted by cathexis
Going back through the dialogue to share with my partner, I feel it necessary for me to make a follow-up. It is not that I continued to insist on a different answer. I accepted the one you gave.
Reading through the whole argument, I was reacting to the anger. Felt like I was jumped rather than given an answer on your first response. Tell me instead of coming out with teeth and claws if you feel like a question is inappropriate. I don't understand why this whole political argument couldn't have been civil, which applies to everyone involved.
I received an answer to my original question elsewhere. We have an ongoing discussion on the topic, so I will bow out of this dialogue.
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It's seems as though you really cannot understand what it was you did that was so triggering and so you continue to double and triple down on it. It is very alarming. It feels like it's just something that you can't see, like the air that you breathe for example. And there is nothing that has happened thus far in these interactions that would give me hope that it will become clear to you if it is just explained once more. But for reasons that are unclear to me, I still believe, despite years of evidence to the contrary garnered during many discussion about many issues in which I have failed miserably to explain successfully to another person reasons for which they should change their point of view on a particular subject, that perhaps this time it will be different. So I am compelled to try.
The issue is very simple. One should not ask a person to explain why others who are the same race, religion, gender or whatever do the things they do. Nobody should be made to feel responsible for explaining the actions of others of their group. Why would a person of color have a better answer for you regarding the behavior and choices of other POC? And more importantly why would it be their job to explain it to you? A white person is not expected to answer for all white people. Perhaps that is a good rule of thumb ... before you ask a person to answer for others, think about if you would seek out the only white person in the room and ask them to explain, oh, I don't know, for example maybe, why some white people cannot recognize their white privilege. Or why some white people confuse white privilege with other issues for which the white person might be oppressed. For example, you can be a privileged white person and be socio-economically oppressed. Apples and oranges. And understanding your white privilege does not negate your disadvantages in other areas. So it is always best not to try and compare them.
Also, white privilege is something that you cannot refuse as a white person. It is given to you and it is not earned and cannot be declined, all youcan do is recognize it and drag it out into the light at all opportunities. That and not ask a person of color to explain the motivations of other persons of color. Your posts thus far have given the impression that you don't agree and feel there is no harm in asking a person of color to explain the actions of another person of color as though they are all the same and understand each other's motivations perfectly and/or want to expend the energy to explain it to a white person. Also you seem to understand and allow for your response to what you perceive as anger or attacks, but can't seem to be capable of imagining how it makes Orema feel when you ask her questions like that. How it might bring up all kinds of crap for her. And how frustrating it might be to always have to be prepared for the unfeeling and insensitive interactions that can trigger all sorts of unsolicited, unwelcome and complicated emotions.