[cathexis]

Originally Posted by Cin

It seems as though you really cannot understand what it was you did that was so triggering and so you continue to double and triple down on it. It is very alarming. It feels like it's just something that you can't see, like the air that you breathe for example. And there is nothing that has happened thus far in these interactions that would give me hope that it will become clear to you if it is just explained once more. But for reasons that are unclear to me, I still believe, despite years of evidence to the contrary garnered during many discussion about many issues in which I have failed miserably to explain successfully to another person reasons for which they should change their point of view on a particular subject, that perhaps this time it will be different. So I am compelled to try.

The issue is very simple. One should not ask a person to explain why others who are the same race, religion, gender or whatever do the things they do. Nobody should be made to feel responsible for explaining the actions of others of their group. Why would a person of color have a better answer for you regarding the behavior and choices of other POC? And more importantly why would it be their job to explain it to you? A white person is not expected to answer for all white people. Perhaps that is a good rule of thumb ... before you ask a person to answer for others, think about if you would seek out the only white person in the room and ask them to explain, oh, I don't know, for example maybe, why some white people cannot recognize their white privilege. Or why some white people confuse white privilege with other issues for which the white person might be oppressed. For example, you can be a privileged white person and be socio-economically oppressed. Apples and oranges. And understanding your white privilege does not negate your disadvantages in other areas. So it is always best not to try and compare them.

Also, white privilege is something that you cannot refuse as a white person. It is given to you and it is not earned and cannot be declined, all youcan do is recognize it and drag it out into the light at all opportunities. That and not ask a person of color to explain the motivations of other persons of color. Your posts thus far have given the impression that you don't agree and feel there is no harm in asking a person of color to explain the actions of another person of color as though they are all the same and understand each other's motivations perfectly and/or want to expend the energy to explain it to a white person. Also you seem to understand and allow for your response to what you perceive as anger or attacks, but can't seem to be capable of imagining how it makes Orema feel when you ask her questions like that. How it might bring up all kinds of crap for her. And how frustrating it might be to always have to be prepared for the unfeeling and insensitive interactions that can trigger all sorts of unsolicited, unwelcome and complicated emotions.

Originally Posted by Semantics

As a jew living in an increasingly fascist, right-wing state, sometimes I worry I'll eventually end up in a cattle car. Still, I'm white. I can walk through a department store without being followed by security, and I can take a drive in my car without worrying much about being pulled over and murdered by police. I get really irritated when white jews (and yeah, I know some jews don't claim to be white, and some aren't white, but most jews are white passing) compare their experiences to what POC go through.

You asked Orema to provide you with emotional labor and education, and POC are exhausted by that. Racial trauma is real.

Your response was lousy with white fragility. I hope you can work on that instead of being so defensive. The best that most white people can hope to be are "recovering racists" and it's a lifetime of work.

No more, no f*cking more, it's over and done. Perhaps as a person with Aspberger's, I fail in my communication skills. Neither of you seems to have read through the entire dialogue, and I think you read the Cliff Notes version. Believe that I have made an apology to Orema.

Genuinely sorry I even checked back to read any response. Yes, I acknowledge my white privilege. Next time, I will not engage a POC in a discussion regarding their opinion of ANY other person's action online here and not anywhere in person even as others ask me to explain people's actions. This pushes me further into the cave of my mind. I had been making strides in outside communication.

Thanks all for jumping me swiftly during progress so to make the retreat a bit easier.