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imperfect_cupcake · 11-06-2013, 03:08 AM

my ex wife offered to take mine instead of me taking hers. which was nice because of the automatic assumption that a femme will drop her own family history cause she's feminine. and that's what you do, right? you accommodate cause one is feminine. its traditional.
I said no. her family line is as important to her as mine is to me. we were going to hyphenate, my name first, it sounded better that way.

I'm really, really glad we didn't. we didn't have the money at the time. still expensive as hell even when legal.

changing my name back would have added extra insult to the whole process of divorce.

I won't be taking anyone's name. marriage is about love for me. my dad and his wife never changed names. my mom and her husband didn't. my cousins didn't. the few heterosexual marriages I know (my heterosexual mates don't believe in marriage, mostly) did not take the husband's name. they just didn't think it was part of a loving relationship to give up their family identity.

I'm sure plenty of people want to but until I see the norm of men taking women's names and thus the equal of butches taking femmes names, I don't think its very attractive. it's one item of heterosexism I don't buy into. mostly I'm with people who are just who they are and that just so happens to be butch. there is no inherent heterosexism in that. but the whole femme takes butch name? yeah. not comfortable with that. to me personally, that *does* feel like doing it cause the hets do it (aka that's what you do when you get married).

11-06-2013, 03:08 AM	#62
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	my ex wife offered to take mine instead of me taking hers. which was nice because of the automatic assumption that a femme will drop her own family history cause she's feminine. and that's what you do, right? you accommodate cause one is feminine. its traditional. I said no. her family line is as important to her as mine is to me. we were going to hyphenate, my name first, it sounded better that way. I'm really, really glad we didn't. we didn't have the money at the time. still expensive as hell even when legal. changing my name back would have added extra insult to the whole process of divorce. I won't be taking anyone's name. marriage is about love for me. my dad and his wife never changed names. my mom and her husband didn't. my cousins didn't. the few heterosexual marriages I know (my heterosexual mates don't believe in marriage, mostly) did not take the husband's name. they just didn't think it was part of a loving relationship to give up their family identity. I'm sure plenty of people want to but until I see the norm of men taking women's names and thus the equal of butches taking femmes names, I don't think its very attractive. it's one item of heterosexism I don't buy into. mostly I'm with people who are just who they are and that just so happens to be butch. there is no inherent heterosexism in that. but the whole femme takes butch name? yeah. not comfortable with that. to me personally, that does feel like doing it cause the hets do it (aka that's what you do when you get married).