I am about to speak from a view different angles, so please don't get upset until you read all through this.
The great majority of us have experienced dangerous, and sometimes life threatening harassment over our lifetimes. Do we educate and change these people by laying down and taking it? Do we educate these people by standing up and showing we're ready to meet fire with fire, punch with punch? Do we educate these people by trying to speak calmly to them, to show them the errors of their ways? Or by just sticking to our convictions and living our life?
I believe the answer to my own question is, Yes. We help educate these people by all of the above.
And no. We don't achieve a damn thing by any of the above. In other words, you have to look at each situation and decide if the personal risk imminent is worth the POSSIBLE advancement.
Let's say that you did stand up to these punks and bullies. And if they were an "Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson" type (Matthew Shepard killers), you COULD bring national attention to a well needed situation. But at what cost? I'm sad to say that the Matthew Shepard situation did so much good to change the hearts of many Americans. I'm sad to think about the pain his family and friends experienced. (if you can, watch the documentary The Laramie Project). If this happened to you, your life would have had strong meaning to the world. But again I ask, at what personal cost.
And also, how many of our Brothers and Sisters DID stand up to bullies, showed their personal and physical strength, and died an anonymous and unknown (except to their friends and families) death, and debatably, unnecessary death. For a few years back in the 90's, a group of us from San Fran and L.A. would converge on Fresno for their pride parade to face the KKK. Yes, we would taunt them and send our best interracial lesbian couple to deep throat kiss in front of them. And then decided to stop. Here, WE were the bullies, protected by the police at the parade. But we had no idea what happened 4 blocks over when the KKK took off their robes and hoods, started to walk home angrily and ran into our gay friends. We then decided to continue going, but go with grace.
Ghandi and Martin Luther King were both doing so much Non Violent good for the world. And both assassinated. A different direction was taken by Malcolm X, Anwar Sadat, and such politicians as JFK, RFK, and Harvey Milk, yet all died by the bullet. So many more that I can't even start to list. All did so much good for the world and paid the highest cost. But if Archie Bunker was a real person, do you think all the arguing with him in the world would have changed his heart?
I am well aware that I don't experience the same as most of my butch brothers as I walk this earth, as I still strongly look female and can often 'pass' if I choose. But I do know how I would want my femme to respond if I was the target in this situation. To just ignore and not escalate. Allow me to handle my own situations. I am ready with my next step if my present step isn't working, but I am NOT ready if you step in and change the direction. If I'm being physically attacked and my femme has the physical ability to help, then do so at that point. If my femme has more cultural knowledge of a situation than I do, then do help at that point (and I don't just mean race. I have been in a hardcore biker community. The culture is different. I have had to help stronger people than me stay safe when they stepped wrong).
I'm rambling, as it's morning and I'm out of practice of responding on the threads. But I think what I'm trying to say is that it's a personal decision. Just don't come to the conclusion that there's ONE right answer. Do what is right for BOTH of you.
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