[Arden]

So after reading through the posts here I had many thoughts and have taken some time to try and organize them so they come out in a coherent manner.

I think within our relationships we offer each other protection sometimes physical and others it comes in the form of emotional safety a shelter in the storm.

While I can offer some physical strength I'd not likely be a match for a man with intent to physically attack me or a butch I'm with, of course that's a broad generalization yet those are based in some truth. Certainly, adrenaline would kick in and provide a boast save fear doesn't paralyze me into being rooted in a spot forced to watch the horror unfolding in front of me. I could attempt to use my words to communicate just what I think of such inane behavior and I'd be quite rightful, I'm sure in some minds, to put any person physically or verbally attacking in their place. I'm inclined to believe either such response, in many situations not all, is not likely to ultimately serve us well.

I don't want to be one to spews back hate, anger and ugliness that I know is based in fear. (I'm inclined to believe their hate based behavior is also fear based, our brains are program to react with anxiety to the unknown as it allows us to then heighten attention/awareness so we may learn or assess the situation in some this goes awry usually because of some trauma history and they become dysregulated prone to angry outbursts) I imagine, too, that many butches would not want me verbally stepping in to fight a battle that honestly can never be won with hate or anger. I wonder if, in fact, to do so would actually do the opposite than the intent....to not protect but to wound to send the impress I think the butch as not able to handle it, to the come back (if they were so inclined), or to simply cope.

Perhaps where the "real" protection comes in is in the adoring looks, the hand held, the head upon the shoulder, the deferring to that is evident as you wait ever so slightly (perhaps hesitating only a breathe) for a door to be opened, a chair pulled back; as each of these are signs of acceptance rather than tolerance (and yes there is a clear difference perhaps thoughts for another thread) or seeing and loving/adoring/appreciating/desiring the energy, the presence, the essence that we see in the butch that the world either cannot see or does not understand. Maybe our protection comes in the shelter we provide as we seek shelter in their arms a safe place to come to at the end of a day a place where we no longer need to bring strength against the world that all too often treats femmes like just another female which sadly still seems to be about just the worst thing (no I don't believe it - take the context not just the words) you can be based on the discrimination, vulgarity and devaluing rampant as you read the paper, go about your job, take a glance at your pay check, watch the news or simply walk down the street.

We are at our very cores driven, pulled to each other and into wanting, desiring, appreciating that which the other offers....and I think that may be the protection we each need to face the word together. Maybe, in time, when that protection brings us each strength the rest of the world will change around us when in slow subtle ways we change it by our interactions....as we do in fact change each other's brain by merely interacting with each other....

so....let's let our love be the protection that we each offer....