I believe that sexual compatibility has got to be near the top of a person's list when they are getting serious about someone. As was mentioned, in the beginning of a relationship you usually are having tons of sex so you cannot use that as your only gauge as to what real compatibility means. You need to have many, many conversations to find out about each other's interests in this area just as you would about the other things they are interested in.
Since you are already in the midst of this problem naturally I would suggest counseling as the first step. It seems like a big red flag that you say "she could care less" and that she doesn't think it's a problem. That is not how a supportive, loving partner should act. As you mentioned you need to find a counselor that "clicks" with both of you and that is so very important. I would start with someone who maybe is in your local gay business directory, or online and hopefully you'll find some that are queer friendly.
She may need her own counselor to discuss things that have nothing to do with you, but are affecting you just the same. Good therapy can take time and sometimes the answers are not what we want to see or hear. But you will know if you give it time and listen. I know this might sound a little new agey, but from my perspective therapy can work and/or at least become a catalyst for changes. In the meantime, take care of yourself. I'm not saying go out and cheat but there is no reason why you cannot take care of your own sexual well being and stay positive about sex. Hope things work out for you.
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