Quote:
Originally Posted by Strappie
I was wondering if we as a community could help others out that are new and or are discovering themselves in the coming to terms with coming out or that they are wondering if they would even label themselves gay, bi or lesbian. Some may not even consider those labels because they feel its the person they are attracted to. Can you tell a story of what types of struggles you encountered. Such as; were you single at the time, dating men, married to a man... etc. Also did you have struggles with coming to terms with whether or not you even thought of yourself as gay, bi or lesbian in that process.
I was reading an article the other day. I was shocked to be so blind to the struggles that some people have gone through. Some were married to men and some were single and dating men. All their struggles shocked me. I was so blind to the struggles that they had gone through. Because I knew at an early age and a lot of these women were much older (35-50) coming to terms with it. Some had been married for 10 to 25yrs. Some had married 2 and 3 times and never understood why they weren't fully happy.
I'm hoping you all could help some new people out. I know that there are many people that come on to this site and other sites searching for some answers. I think the Planet is a good place for those people lurking in the back ground to find a safe place to know that they are NOT A LONE!
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Strappie, thanks for posting this thread. I really related to a lot of what you said, about struggling to find one's "truth". let alone to figure out how to identify.
I am one of those women who was much older when I came out. I knew I was attracted to other women/females early on, but I had such a low self-esteem about my own sexuality, such a distorted view of what I was feeling/believing, then throw all the shame and humiliation that my family threw in along with my Church, well, it is a wonder I didn't go mad! I got married for the first time at the age of 16, mostly just to get the hell out of my horrific homelife. First marriage lasted 27 yrs, then I was into another relationship with another man. By that time, I knew inside that something was really wrong, that I was settling for something other than my truth, but I was still too scared to really face that truth. To accept that truth. To claim that truth. What would that mean to my kids and grandkids, my other bio family, my friends, my work?
Finally, the years of accepting OTHER PEOPLE'S truth instead of and for my own, wore me down. I was losing myself, almost to the point of no return.
For ME, each time that I moved towards finding and accepting my OWN truth, it was really like the proverbial peeling of the onion layer. When I met the woman who became my first partner, the feelings I experienced were like nothing I had ever felt before. And == I == felt like nothing I had ever felt before! I could breathe. I felt HOME.
There were still struggles, the latest in trying to come to terms with identifying as a Femme. (and whether someone who looked like ME, or was like ME, could even BE a Femme!) It has all been an on-going process of learning. But the really neat part is, that learning has been fascinating, has been difficult at times, has been filled with more joy than I could have ever imagined!
Places like here at the Planet have been key to that learning, for me. It is embarrasing to admit that you just don't know something, but everyone here has been so very kind and helpful. When I learn something myself, I feel almost an obligation to pass that lesson on to the next person.
Thank you, again, Strappie!