[Lynn]

When I read the title of the thread, I wasn't thinking of specific words, but rather how words are used to demean or dismiss. As Hudson wrote, earlier, "whatever." Being sarcastic, flippant, and dismissive are ways to hurt someone deliberately or thoughtlessly with language. In my view, using language in this way is more offensive than the use of any particular word.

On the subject of specific words, my feelings have changed about certain words, over time. When I came out the first time, in the late 70's, the word queer was not acceptable in my circles. Coming out again, within the past 7 years, I was surprised to hear how the word has been reclaimed. At this point, I love it and use it to describe myself with pride.

I'm fairly desensitized to the use of any word, especially on line, where nuances can be lost. I don't assume that someone has to speak a certain way to avoid offending me. I *do* get offended, but I really won't bother to engage someone about it unless I really give a shit about the person or the subject. I pick my battles. At the same time, I do try to pick my words carefully, to avoid offending as well as to reflect my own meaning and values, and I respect others who do the same.

When someone does find a word to be offensive, I wish they'd just say so, and give the offender a chance to understand and take ownership of how they affected someone else. On a website I'm on, someone recently posted something using the words f#ck and Jesus in the same sentence, which deeply offended another member. She expressed how she felt, the original poster apologized, and that was that. Simple and honest, and considerate. Everyone has a different idea of the meaning of words. Usually, no harm is meant. Things seem to go smoother when you give people the benefit of the doubt.