My mom and I were best friends. In 2001, she was found dead in her apartment. I kept calling her thinking she went to Denver to visit my uncles. Finally, when she never answered, one of my uncles went in her apartment and found slumped over dead on the bathroom floor. The autopsy showed nothing as to the cause of death other than she had been dead a week.
I never cried, never said goodbye and never grieved. I was on auto pilot from severe trauma of my own, and I couldn't feel or manage normal feelings about death. It was as though it never happened. It was like the Bible says something like "I set my face like flint." I took care of her apartment and financial affairs with the help of my family, but almost robotically.
And I will tell you now, that long delayed and overdue grief is about to hit as I near the end of my recovery as a trauma survivor.
So, I'm right there with you....
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