[Lynn]

Today I'm regular because:

I ate cold, leftover Chinese food for breakfast.

I had to stay late at work to catch up on paperwork that I'd put off for too long. If I didn't do it, I wouldn't be getting paid.

I meant to get up early to get stuff done, but hit the snooze alarm every ten minutes for an hour, instead.

There's a dead hanging plant on the front porch. I buy one every year, and it always dies because I don't water it enough. I should be prosecuted.