[Laerkin]

**Disclaimer: I decided not to read the other entries first because I didn't want my initial thoughts and feelings influenced by the always-intriguing entries. So I apologize if any of this is massively repetitive.

Forgiveness of others is imperative for growth (in my opinion). The people I most admire (Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Pema Chodron, wise friends) believe that forgiveness is what allows us to heal, to experience compassion, and to move forward on our path. I totally agree with this.

I have no control over the actions of others. So, why would I cling to what others have done as if this static spinning of my own wheels will somehow change a past event? It does me no good to wrap myself in an unchangeable past by holding a grudge or expecting something out of someone other than myself.

So, forgiveness feels like release. I feels like surrender to things I cannot control which allows me to move towards the things I can control - my own reactions, thoughts, and experiences.

Of course, forgiveness is not always an easy thing to offer and sometimes it takes some soul-searching to get to a place where I'm ready to forgive, but my goal is always forgiveness. I work very hard to let things go as quickly as possible. It only hurts me when I refuse to move on.

I believe everyone, especially myself, is imperfect. Being imperfect means mistakes will be made, feelings will get hurt, actions will occur that cannot be undone. I recognize this on a pretty deep level so I consider myself a very forgiving person.

Self-forgiveness is something else entirely. I'm a little more hard and unforgiving with myself. I expect a little more perfection (sometimes to an unreasonable degree) of myself and it's something I work on overcoming and improving. Patience is a lesson I learn time and again.

If I do hurt someone through careless words or actions, I apologize immediately. It's rare that I actually ask for forgiveness because my apologies are heartfelt and it's completely up to the other person to decide how they'd like to feel about me. Either they accept my very honest admission of fault and the dialog that always ensues or they don't. The forgiveness there is really about whether I can forgive myself for being so careless.

I do worry that people cling to this idea of forgiveness as if it's something that will set them free, as if it's something they need to give away after someone has "earned" it. I'm looking at this through my very tiny lens of the world (so I may read something in the other posts that changes my ideas on this), but forgiveness is rarely about the other person. They may ask for it, and you may grant it, but ultimately the real growth happens inside you when you truly let it go or you don't.

Horribly painful things have been done to me in the past, but I never felt compelled to hold on to it and keep hatred or spite in my heart. Those folks have their own karma to deal with. By letting go and simply removing them from my life (while wishing them compassion), I am able to grow and shed that old self to become someone that is wiser and kinder for it.

Great thread. Very thought-provoking. I'm not sure I said everything the way I intended, but I am off to read everyone else's posts!