[*Anya*]

I have avoided posting in this thread because I am touchy about being an older femme.

In my mind, I ways expected to be and to look like, I did in my 20's. I was frozen in time while in my 19-year relationship with my ex-butch.

I felt like Rippeda Von Winkle when I ended it. I could not ignore that I was older, that it was a different dating world as an older femme and then there were all the gender issues I had never been exposed to or had dealt with in a strictly lesbian world.

Long story short, I really thougt I would be alone forever until I forced myself to start dating again. Very, very difficult for me! I had lived as a hermit, just me and my dogs for almost 10 years. I am so glad that I did start dating again.

No, I do not look like I did I did in my 20's, etc. but it has become far, far less important to me than it did when I was first single.

I did meet and fall in love with my butch. She is a decade younger than I. That is also a little hard to write. Shouldn't be- in our society we no longer look at a man dating a woman 10 years his junior as unusual, but it has taken me some time to accept our age difference.

The funny thing is that it really is all in my head. In actuality, we have very similar backgrounds, shared interests and most important-our core values and outlook on life is remarkably similar. The sexual chemistry is electric-something else I thought I would never, ever have again in my life. My butch is really my soul-mate. The one I have always searched for on an unconscious level and did not find until now.

We are never too old to find love and unless we risk, we will never know what joy we may find by simply never giving up hope and believing that we deserve to be loved.