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imperfect_cupcake · 01-22-2015, 10:15 PM

Forgiveness means you do not expect "payment" for something you are owed. You can forgive someone and want nothing to do with them. People seem to think forgiveness means kittens and butterflys. It doesn't. It just means you no longer want something from them in reparation for damages. Doesn't mean you want anything to do with them.
Personally, if you want to be supportive and don't want to hurt them? but you just don't trust them to interact with them? sounds like you already have forgiven them their debt. You just have no desire to be their friend.

Two different things.

I personally wouldn't acknowledge the email. The email is actually not for you. It for them to do the hard work of acknowledging what they have done and how it impacts others and to apologise sincerely. A sincere apology is not made with an agenda. It's not made to fix anything or repair relationships. A sincere apology is an acknowledgement of damage.

Recently someone apologised to me for some very unacceptable behaviour. I said "yes, I expect you are quite embarrassed and sorry. That was pretty shit. I'd be embarrassed and sorry too" I was under no obligation to make them feel better about acting like an idiot. I forgave them in the sense I did not want anything from them to make up for their behaviour. But I no longer wanted anything to do with them in a certain aspect of my life. I forgave, but I don't trust and have no want or use. I wish them well, but I have no desire to interact past a certain level.
Your friend's apology is their own business. You don't even have to acknowledge it if you don't want to. If you do, then just say what you mean. You are glad they are in recovery. You wish them well. That's it.

01-22-2015, 10:15 PM	#9
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Forgiveness means you do not expect "payment" for something you are owed. You can forgive someone and want nothing to do with them. People seem to think forgiveness means kittens and butterflys. It doesn't. It just means you no longer want something from them in reparation for damages. Doesn't mean you want anything to do with them. Personally, if you want to be supportive and don't want to hurt them? but you just don't trust them to interact with them? sounds like you already have forgiven them their debt. You just have no desire to be their friend. Two different things. I personally wouldn't acknowledge the email. The email is actually not for you. It for them to do the hard work of acknowledging what they have done and how it impacts others and to apologise sincerely. A sincere apology is not made with an agenda. It's not made to fix anything or repair relationships. A sincere apology is an acknowledgement of damage. Recently someone apologised to me for some very unacceptable behaviour. I said "yes, I expect you are quite embarrassed and sorry. That was pretty shit. I'd be embarrassed and sorry too" I was under no obligation to make them feel better about acting like an idiot. I forgave them in the sense I did not want anything from them to make up for their behaviour. But I no longer wanted anything to do with them in a certain aspect of my life. I forgave, but I don't trust and have no want or use. I wish them well, but I have no desire to interact past a certain level. Your friend's apology is their own business. You don't even have to acknowledge it if you don't want to. If you do, then just say what you mean. You are glad they are in recovery. You wish them well. That's it.