[Amulette]

Setting the bar high:
To establish an expected, required, or desired standard of quality.

To me that sounds like knowing what I want in a relationship. I think that self exploration of what that "bar" is, is necessary, because I would need to know myself intimately to know what I want and need from others.

So setting the bar high would mean to me: being true to myself and the vision I hold for my life. True love would never take me away from that. It would nourish and embellish that, for both of us. On an intellectual even emotional level I say yes, that makes perfect sense.

If only love was that rational. Love is messy. A friend always said to me "we can't control who our hearts choose to love." I have found that to be true. No matter how much someone fits my intellectual vision, if my heart is not 100% in, it's not worth it. If there's not chemistry, it's not worth it. So for me it's the dance of the two. The older I get the more discerning I get. I know myself better.

There is one more thing that I see play out for all the people I know. Where our hearts are damaged we attract people who force us to find healing. It often happens through pain. We attract the same situations in different flavors over and over again. It's like the movie "Groundhog Day". So I have come to believe that the only way to find that juicy satisfying love is the heal my own heart. Do the work. Make your beautiful heart whole again, then see what love brings you. You can't intellectualize that change.