[Turas]

I’m sad right now because I’m judging myself. And I’m judging myself based on what I think others might think of me. But I don’t need to do that.

I’ve always done the best that I could at the time. No, I haven’t always made the wisest choices. But those choices have still led me to where I’m at. And where I’m at now is a good place and getting better every day.

I’m not where I want to be. Not by a long shot. But I’ve grown so much. I’m not the person I used to be. Not the person I was even a year or a half year ago. People that knew me then might think they know me now, but I’m a different person.

For one thing, I’m finally learning to respect myself. And to listen to that inner voice that tells me when something doesn’t feel right. I might be stumbling in the dark, but aren’t we all? There is no handbook for life. Some have less stony paths, others have boulders to traverse. We all do the best we can do.

And this me, here and now, she’s a more compassionate, wiser person than she used to be. I may make unwise choices again. But I’ll learn from them if I do. I will keep moving forward, learning and growing and becoming a better me.

For anyone who wants to judge me, that’s out of my control. I don’t need you in my life if you want to look down on me. You’ve not walked my path. You don’t know the heartbreak I’ve been through. And I don’t know yours. And that’s ok.

We’re all human. We’re all fragile and vulnerable and fallible. We’re all unique. We can’t walk each other’s road. But we can be compassionate with one another. And give each other the grace and freedom to be ourselves with all our faults and weaknesses. And we can use our strengths to compliment one other, if we so choose, instead of tearing each other down.

It’s so hard to truly know someone. To know their heart and soul. To see into the depths of them with all their facets and to embrace each and every one that we uncover. Because let’s be truthful, we all have layers. And we don’t open up every layer to everyone that we meet.

Until you can see the heart of me, you don’t know me. Until you can hold my fragile (and yet strong) soul in the palm of your hand and see it glowing with eager hope, you haven’t known me. And neither have I known you.

I don’t know what the future holds. But I know that I’m going to stop judging myself so harshly. And if someone truly does want to judge me from the few snippets of my life that I’ve shared with them, they’re not worth letting into the deeper parts of me.

I have a beautiful soul. It’s been a bit tarnished by life. But it’s uniquely mine. And I am worth everything I have hoped to have my entire life. I am worthy of being loved and accepted for all of who I am. But not everyone is worthy of knowing all of me down to the depths of my heart and soul. This I have learned. And it’s ok.

Though I yearn to connect heart and soul, it is not something that can be rushed. It is a precious connection. A rare connection. And it is worth waiting for.