[sylvie]

i really feel for you, and my heart goes out to both you & Jess..
Difficult situation, and one i can relate with in some ways..

my father, is an alcoholic and has been for 45 years, so something i've known my entire life.. he has never been what you call a violent addict, but definitely a self destructive one - taking us all down with him our entire lives, and continues to if we let him..

i have just recently let go & walk away - and it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do - i have tried everything i could think possible these last 3 years in ways to help him, encourage him to get help, ANYthing... his health is deteriorating and fast. i've always been very passive of his drinking over the years, it's all i've ever known and i learned at a very young age that i had to take care of him, because he couldn't take care of me.

for the last few years, i knew i've been an enabler all these years, but knew i had to stop, this just wasn't healthy - but i felt an extreme guilt to let go because i would think what if something terrible happened to him, and i wasnt there to make sure he was okay - it took some therapy sessions to help shake me free from that stinkin' thinkin' of mine..

He has no desire to help himself, i took over his next of kin, set him up with help, to intervene and have someone visit him during one of his many hospital stays to get through withdrawal symptoms - he refuses everything.. It took a lot for me to swallow the fact that there is really nothing i can do, except stop enabling him - move forward and take care of me now.. i have a lot of issues myself from growing up - and an eating disorder and addiction of my own to food, for which i made the decision to step up and get help.

It's difficult when they don't want to get help for themselves - and to sit by and watch it happen.. i wish i could suggest something that would help - i can also relate to other people not being on board with you about help for your daughter, it's the same with my father.. Though i've stopped enabling, they all still enable him, and right now he really needs some tough love or to hit rock bottom.. My stepmother continues to stand by him, buy him alcohol even - she's the only one who works, he hasnt worked since i was a little girl.. She lets him have credit cards which he maxes out, he steals (not from me anymore but..he'll do everything in his power to get that alcohol when he wants it).. so its frustrating for me to sit by now and watch what everyone does for him, while he is digging his own grave... i'm now angry, frustrated, stressed and worried about his health, but i refuse to let it run my life anymore.. i'm still working on the guilt, that damn guilt..

i'm his only child, i have 2 of his grandchildren, and i love my father..
i don't want anything bad to happen to him, and i definitely do not want to lose him.. he's only 61 years old, and has more life ahead if he wanted it.
i know none of this has been helpful, only to say that i understand..
i've had to walk away, it's all i could do - and wish and hope with all my might that one day, he'll want to change..
and i am wishing the same for you too, sincerely am!
if ever you need an ear, i'm around - sending positive thoughts your way in the meantime