[hpychick]

that I would be posting in a thread like this....but here I am, posting, trying to find some light at the end of the tunnel, trying to get through today without breaking down and crying

when I wake up
when I get dressed
on my way to work
during my workday
on my way home
when I walk my dogs
when I'm talking to friends who are trying to help me get through this
when I'm talking to my kids, who try to console and comfort me
when I sit here staring blankly at the screen
when I try to eat
when I get my bath
when I get dressed for bed
as I fall asleep

I'm realizing, even though I'm the one who ended it, it's not easy at all. (Somehow, I've always thought it would be less painful.) It hurts like the dickens. It hurts more than I thought it would. Even knowing all that I know, all the reasons it won't work, all the reasons it could never work - it still hurts, and I still want him, and I still miss him every moment of everyday, every night when I could hear him snoring. I still miss the silly texts, and the corny jokes, and wake up phone calls over his breakfast, I miss him jetting into an office or a hallway, or outside for a quick smoke so he could call me just to tell me he was missing me and needed to hear my voice, to tell me how much he loved about me.

Walking away or running away, depending on how you look at it - it's harder than you think. Maybe soon, it will feel liberating. Maybe soon. But will it be soon enough?

How do I come down from a bad day? I just want to know how to get up.