[always2late]

I would like to share something that occurred this weekend...very relevant to the topic. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am a nurse. I watch people die quite often. We strive to offer them some modicum of dignity. And also try to manage their pain. As in all healthcare professions, one must cultivate a form of detachment...you couldn't do the job otherwise. But...every once in a while...there is a patient that gets in, that I feel a certain bond with. This weekend, one of those patients that I am particularly attached to was put on hospice. She is dying...and she is dying hard. She is on every painkiller we can offer...and even with doses that would take out an elephant...she still screams. Most of the time she is in so much pain she doesn't even respond, her eyes are unfocused, and she is just not there.

Today she focused through the pain for a moment and grabbed my hand and said "Help me, I don't know what to do." And there is nothing I can do for her except give her more pain medication that is not quite cutting it. I don't cry often...but I almost burst into tears then and there. When I got home this evening I bawled like a baby. It is so unfair and wrong. No one deserves this...to die this way...in agony, all dignity gone, hopeless and helpless. To help her die would not be murder....it would be mercy.