[Maverick]

I've been attracted to girls/women since I can remember...as far back as kindergarten I had a crush on my female teacher. I had crushes on many girls in school but never acted on them. I even used to carry my best friend's books to class for her lol. I came close to kissing her one time but chickened out. My freshman year of college one of my room mates woke me up and kissed me and my world changed forever. She's now married with children and I've spent the last 33 years IDing as lesbian. It seemed like the right fit for the most part and I certainly was attracted only to women physically but I wouldn't say that I ever felt like it was "home" for me. Three years ago I was playing an online game and a team mate and I developed a friendship and chatted quite a bit online. She came out to me as transgender (MTF). I had met other transgender folks over the years and even had worked with a person who was beginning transition to female. But, for some reason I had never given it much thought. She helped me understand that I'm really transgender. I now feel like I know what that feeling like I'm "home" feels like. I'm in the process of a second "coming out" in my life and at mid life it's got different challenges then the first one had at 18. I have a partner of 16 years to consider and a life we've built together plus a business that I have worked hard to build. I want so desperately to live as my true self and be authentic...stop the hiding and lying to myself and the world. Mustering up the courage is tough. I come here quite a bit for the inspiration to work through this stage of my life. Thank you all for sharing your stories! Please believe me when I say you are a lifeline for many of us who are struggling. Keep telling your stories.