[storyspinner70]

This is something that is VERY near and dear to me, and something I've dealt with all my life. I am bi. Probably actually pan, because I can't see myself not being attracted to someone because they are transitioning or do not identify as a certain gender. I am currently rabidly in love with a woman, and do not see that changing at any point in the future.

So, what does being bi mean to me? It means I have to listen to people spout the most ridiculous nonsense I've ever heard. It means people feel that I owe them an explanation as to why I have the NERVE to be attracted to more than one sex. It means I have to sit here and read about how I'm just confused, how I'm really straight or I'm really lez but just haven't got the guts yet to make a decision. It means I have to deal with constant harassment and abuse from the LGBT community that should have my back more than anyone else. It means I have to listen to men cackle and ask for a threesome while I listen to lesbians talk about how they could NEVER date a bisexual like we are the worst people there could possibly be on the face of the earth. You have no idea how much I've cried in my life because of shit like that, and how I'm near tears now because I remember how worthless that casual dismissal used to make me feel. Like, "Who cares what kind of person you are? One word makes you nothing to me."

It means I probably shouldn't have stepped foot on this thread, because I get enraged at injustice and people who feel the need to tell me that because my heart and mind and soul are open to anyone who is worthy of my time and love that there is somehow something wrong with how I choose to live my life. And no, I'm not aiming this entirely at people on this site or this thread, but some of you...some of you are here spouting exactly the misunderstanding and deliberate, willful discrimination I deal with every single day of my life.

This is what being bisexual means to me. My heart and life and arms are open for anyone who is smart enough, sexy enough, funny enough, and clever enough to catch my attention. I am not only attracted to butch women, like they're some kind of replacement for the men I "really" want. In fact, the majority of the women I loved have been femme. And no, I'm not secretly lesbian and trying to hide it, either. In fact, I'm pretty much running about 50/50 with the gender of people I have loved in my life.

My butch is everything to me. She is not a replacement for a man in my life. She is not an experiment. She is not someone to keep me occupied until a man comes along. She is, and will always be, my world. And no, it's not that I have zero interest in men anymore. I'm not miraculously gay now. But what I am is completely in love and fiercely dedicated to the love of my life - my butch.

And yes, I get infuriated at the fact people dare to make assumptions about me and what I feel and what makes me happy. If all goes like I want it to, I will never have another lover, and I'll be just fine with that. I won't miss a man or start pining after them. I've seen plenty I thought were gorgeous or sexy in the three years I've been with my butch, and I've never once been dissatisfied with my life or my lover.

That is what being bi means to me: a life of love, happiness, discrimination, pain and anger.