it costs extra money and may not be cheap but some airports have greeter services and that might help get through security easier. The greeters themselves have clearance. They may also be able to answer some of your concerns.
I personally will do what I can do to avoid pat downs. People were respective of me to the degree of privacy however they were pretty rough physically the two times i've had them use a wand on me. Granted my body at that time was real sensitive. But it was to the point that if I am ever in a wheel chair a gain if I can take the 10 steps to get through the screener i'll do that over the pat down.
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