Internalized Homophobia
I don't think there is a thread on this subject.
I remember when, in my first queer relationship (31, I am 40 now), I used to say to everyone (even her), I am not gay!; it is a fluke!; she is special!; I am not REALLY GAY; I am NOT a lesbian! But I LOVE YOU!
I was in love and didn't want to claim any terms (at that moment).
My first female lover would joke and say...that's ok, I'll be the gay/lesbian one! (reminiscent of tshirts that read, "I'm not gay, but girlfriend is!) She didn't mind my shying away from the *lesbian / gay* terms).
I think that was me..trying to still be *straight* and laying all the *queerness* on the hands of my first lovers without having to do any work/acknowledgement, etc. I didn't want to say...I am GAY/LESBIAN/and/or QUEER, and I think that is wholly due to internalized homophobia.
I thought of this subject from a poster (I am sorry, I cannot remember who!) who said something about Cynthia Nixon...sounds like this is her first queer relo and she doesn't want to reallllly admit she is gay..something like that...).
Does anyone have issues with or comments about internalized homophobia?
Where do you see it? Has it affected you?
|