[Bootsandheels]

It’s been almost exactly a year to the day that I’ve seen my ex.

It was a new moon…the kind that sits like a bright white fingernail crescent in the sky…then perches low on the horizon waiting til dawn to quietly slip away.

A date night…a rare chance for me to go dancing which is something I was born to do, but don’t do often enough anymore.
A once a month women’s dance called a “Hotflash Dance”…where there’s a whole helluva lot more going on than
just a lack of estrogen…

I had just come in with my date, and I saw her cross to my left…going to the bar. I had to do that “Is that really her” thing for a few seconds to ascertain that indeed it was…and what was I going to do about it.

So ya, the choice…to ignore her or to touch her, which in that split second’s maze of time I chose to do …on the sleeve, ever so gently like I used to, to get her attention and then hold it with that look of love I had
only for her. I beamed with love, standing serenely in my femme strength and light that I had worked so hard to achieve over this past year.

As she turned and saw me…her face looked like she was seeing an angelic vision or a ghost-perhaps both. The room, the pulsating music, all disappeared and everything became blurry around us…all we saw was each other’s face and light in our eyes- a ‘movie moment’ that had happened only once before…the day we met 6.5 years ago.

She stood there, about 8-10’ from me…looking at me…mouth open…and finally managed to say…”You look gorgeous… Oh my God…Do you realise it‘s been a year since I‘ve seen you?”
She slowly made her way towards me with off-balance steps-either feigning for dramatic effect or real from the alcohol she had consumed, I wasn’t sure. I think it was a little of both-she always had a comedic side, which I loved, that she would bring out around me, and she always had a problem with alcohol.

We met in AA and both had the same amount of time-4 years.
A year ago last December after picking up her 9 year chip, she picked up a six-pack, and has never looked back.
I looked furtively at her hand that held a beer that she placed on a small table nearby.
As I opened my ‘ballerina arms’ as she called them to embrace her, we slowly moved towards one another once again…a beginning to a dance we both knew so very well.

Her freshly pressed beautiful shirt, her body, her short bleached hair and her cologne…all so familiar and comfortable. With each second that passed I began to melt and mold into her frame , her bones for checkpoints, like magnets no longer able to resist the pull.
We held on for a long time…and I stepped in closer with that one tiny step that I would always take to adjust for my height, for a tighter fit. She squeezed a little tighter, hung on a little longer than I expected.

She always said she could feel my heart beating right through my chest all the way to hers when we hugged, and mine was doing crazy acrobatic flips doubletime. I tried to breathe and slow it down..but it wasn’t possible…breathing…heart rate…all non-negotiable now.
A scene like this had played out not so long ago…in a counseling office.. both of us crying…hanging on to one another for dear life…when the reality hit that our life together was ending. She wouldn’t stop the drinking, I wouldn’t live with it.

Upon re-entry to the world…the room..our surroundings…she bowed her head in embarrassment while slowly pulling away.
I motioned to my date whose back was to us, and the introductions were made. As I watched them, I felt an incredible combination of elation, shock, victory and defeat all at the same time.

And so I danced…with my funky balletic grace, and bringing sexy back femme moves, I danced…I smiled so big and danced so big I WAS the firework in Katy Perry’s song.

I was on a sugar dancing high…my body was on fire, my mind and spirit awhirl with delight as they reconnected with the pulsating beat of my healing heart and reunited my sweet femme soul strutting in her stillettos out on the dance floor…leaving them all going "Ah ah ah…"

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw"]Katy Perry - Firework - YouTube[/nomedia]
Boots

6/5/2011 lkf