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Domestic violence in the GLBT community is a serious issue. The rates of domestic violence in same-gender relationships is roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women. As in opposite-gendered couples, the problem is likely underreported. Facing a system which is often oppressive and hostile towards those who identify as anything other than "straight", those involved in same-gender battering frequently report being afraid of revealing their sexual orientation or the nature of their relationship.

Additionally, even those who attempt to report violence in their alterative relationship run into obsticles. Police officers, prosecutors, judges and others to whom a GLBT victim may turn to for help may have difficulty in providing the same level of service as to a heterosexual victim. Not only might personal attitudes towards the GLBT community come into play, but these providers may have inadequate levels of experience and training to work with GLBT victims and flimsy or non-existant laws to enforce on behalf of the victim.

Although much advancement has been made in the provision of services, the enforcement of the law, and the equality of protections available to those in GLBT relationships over the last decade, it is important for you to be aware of your rights and options as they relate to your attempt to escape an abusive relationship.



It is frequently incorrectly assumed that lesbian, bi and gay abuse must be "mutual." It is not often seen as being mutual in heterosexual battering.

Victims often believe that in order to use existing services (such as a shelter, attending support groups or calling a crisis line) they must lie or hide the gender of the batterer to be perceived (and thus accepted) as a heterosexual. Or it can mean "coming out", which is a major life decision. If lesbians, bisexuals and gays come out to service providers who are not discreet with this information, it could lead to the victim losing their home, job, custody of children, etc. This may also precipitate local and/or statewide laws to affect some of these changes, depending on the area.

GLBT victims are often not as financially tied to their partner, which can be a benefit if they decide to end the relationship. However, if their lives are financially intertwined, such as each paying a rent or mortgage and having "built a home together", they have no legal process to assist in making sure assets are evenly divided, a process which exists for their married, heterosexual counterparts.

Telling heterosexuals about battering in a GLBT relationship can reinforce the myth many believe that lesbian, bisexual and gay relationships are disfunctional. This can further cause the victim to feel isolated and unsupported. The GLBT community itself is often not supportive of victims of battering because many want to maintain the myth that there are no problems (such as child abuse, alcoholism, domestic violence, etc.) in these relationships. As long as the community continues to put priority in pretending gays and lesbians don't experience abuse, resources will remain scarce, and outreach will continue to suffer. The strange reality is that a vast number of advocates and helping professionals who dedicate themselves to assisting ALL victims of domestic violence, both straight and queer, are themselves gays and lesbians, including the majority of the people who make up OUR organization and publish this very website.

Receiving support services to help one escape a battering relationship is more difficult when there are also oppressions faced. Battered lesbians and female bisexuals automatically encounter sexism and homophobia, and gay and bisexual men encounter homophobia. Lesbian or gay people of color who are battered also face racism. These forms of social oppressions make it more difficult for these groups to get the support needed (legal, financial, social, housing, medical, etc.) to escape and live freely from an abusive relationship.

Lesbian, bi and gay survivors of battering may not know others who are lesbian, bi or gay, meaning that leaving the abuser could result in total isolation.

The GLBT community within the area may be small, and in all likelihood everyone the survivor knows will soon know of their abuse. Sides will be taken and support may be difficult to find. Anonymity is not an option, a characteristic many heterosexual survivors can draw upon in "starting a new life" for themselves within the same city.




Same Sex Domestic Violence: Research and Statistics
The prevalence of domestic violence among Gay and Lesbian couples is approximately 25 - 33%.
Barnes, It's Just a Quarrel', American Bar Association Journal, February 1998, p. 25.

Battering among Lesbians crosses age, race, class, lifestyle and socio-economic lines.
Lobel, ed., Naming the Violence: Speaking Out About Lesbian Battering, 183 (1986).

Each year, between 50,000 and 100,000 Lesbian women and as many as 500,000 Gay men are battered.
Murphy, Queer Justice: Equal Protection for Victims of Same-Sex Domestic Violence, 30 Valparaiso University Law Review. 335 (1995).

While same-sex battering mirrors heterosexual battering both in type and prevalence, its victims receive fewer protections.
Barnes, It's Just a Quarrel', American Bar Association Journal, February 1998, p. 24.

Seven states define domestic violence in a way that specifically excludes same-sex victims. States with sodomy laws basically require same-sex victims to confess to a crime in order to prove they are in a domestic relationship.
Barnes, It's Just a Quarrel', American Bar Association Journal, February 1998, p. 24.

Same-sex batterers use forms of abuse similar to those of heterosexual batterers. they have an additional weapon in the threat of "outing" their partner to family, friends, employers or community.
Lundy, Abuse That Dare Not Speak Its Name: Assisting Victims of Lesbian and Gay Domestic Violence in Massachusetts, 28 New England Law Review 273 (Winter 1993).




Remember that you didn't cause your abuse. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Don't let your partner control or mistreat you. Help is available.