My tongue flicks out
Salty sweat clinging to my upper lip
Fear and shame in the drops
I push the door open
It is 90 degrees out
And I wear combat boots
For am I not going to war
Jeans splattered with mud and flecks of rusty blood
Torn out at the knees from rough asphalt
Heavy leather studded belt
A backup defense
And layers
Layers to hide that I am not what I seem
Layers to be armor
Body armor misery
On top is heavy hooded sweatshirt
Everyone knows my secret
The teachers scream it everyday
Except for a few that see the desperation in my eyes
And say my last name instead
That's safe enough
But after school and in halls I am freak
Faggot Flaming Fairy Queer
Those who yell it most I see it in their eyes
Disgust...at themselves
Because they like what they see
So I take it
Don't go to the locker when anyone is about
Don't want locker door bruises
From heads bashed into door so fast
Broke two pairs of glasses last year
Finish the day walk out
They wait till I am off the grounds and halfway home
Lay in wait to beat me up
After a while I give as good as I get
No one will ever admit they are beat up by a girl
I wish they'd say I was who broke their nose
Least then they'd accept I am not a girl
Go home bruised and bloody
Nurse the hurts
Grin around the pain
Mom says we can find another school
Dad doesn't even know too lost in his own pain
I just shake my head
A day at a time armored and ready to go
Because at least in this school I know who to punch
And who to simply smile at
Because I am a teenage freak who is happy no longer being meek
-A memory of teenage angst
__________________
Burn Burn Burn
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