Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemme
Oh, boy. This is a loaded topic for me. I am Italian, with the traditional temperament that accompanies that bloodline. I have also had some really horrible examples growing up of communication styles. I've done a lot of work and I'm much better than I was in my youth but I've still got a long way to go. I can honestly say that I will always be 'high strung' and 'excitable' but I do hope to find better ways to communicate without alienating my partner and/or making an ass out of myself.
The little stuff is like a firework for me. Sizzle for a second, then boom and it's all over. The big stuff that is incredibly meaningful to me simmers like a big pot of sauce (gravy for the old schoolers) until, over a long period of time, it boils over. Everyone involved gets some of the splatter in that case.
When I hold things in, whether intentionally or by conditioning, when the snapping point comes, it comes hard and fast and I can't measure it. So, I can't say that I need to step away or if I recognize that it's coming and I try to walk away, it's too late. Diarrhea of the mouth.
I can get out the little stuff on my own and without incident, most of the time. I mutter in the car or put on my headset (not in the car, at home or on break at work) and let the music soothe the savage beast.
Sometimes, little stuff becomes big stuff. I'm difficult to live with. I know this and I try to keep that in mind, especially since Ebon and I have such different living styles. When I'm single, I'm very neat and tidy. I don't leave dishes in the sink unless they've been rinsed but are soaking, I don't leave clothes on the floor, I don't let the carpet go for more than 2-3 without a vacuum, etc. Living with someone who is not as much of a tidy person is frustrating for both of us. We both make concessions. However, when the same limit is pushed over and over, no matter how little it is, it becomes big and thus my response grows in size and volume.
I admit that I am a yeller. I don't start out that way. If I felt that I am heard and that my opinion matters, then that keeps things positive and the volume down. If I feel as if I'm talking to a brick wall over and over an over again, I'm going to get pissed. I'm going to get super frustrated and I'm going to eventually start yelling, because....at that time....I feel as if maybe that's the only way to be acknowledged.
I know that I am a very flawed human being. Having said that though, you all should have seen me BEFORE I did the work I did. It wasn't pretty. 
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I'm just going to quote Gemme...
It's weird how two people raised completly different can be some what the same... I was raised in a very restrained household when everything was fine and no one was angry, until they were... Then all hell broke loose...
I pretty well react exactly the same as up above... Music saves me and others around me.. Also, I communicate better via the written word... If I can have the time to write out everything then it comes out better...
I've really had to work HARD at the yelling business... It invokes some pretty nasties for my girl... So I've tried really hard to modify that particular reaction... I need room to decompress before I can talk more about the hard stuff... It's hard to get that room sometimes... My girl is a let's talk EVERYTHING out until it is all crystle clear... I'm a Let me think about why I feel the way I do and I'll get back to you after I have processed...
I'm an emotional creature... What I'm pissed off about MAY NOT be why I am angry... I need to really dig in and find the root... If I react without taking the time to really think about it, well, it's never pretty and alway messy... It takes more work to do damage control than if I just had though about why I feel the way I do and then respond/react....