[Medusa]

Ohhhhhhhh sheeeeeesh! This is a complex one (but thank Goddess for a "meaty" thread!)

Yanno, I had an amends-type of situation happen a couple of years ago that left me with red-ass (pissy!). So, I had a friend who did some really shitty stuff like breaking confidences, making hateful comments, and just being a giant asshole. but the main issue was a really crappy ability to disrespect my boundaries. I bid them a farewell and let them know directly that I didn't want to be friends with them anymore because of their behavior (toxic, mean-spirited, etc.)

They came back about a year later and sent me an amends email telling me they were working their program and wanted to let me know they were sorry for x, y, z and yadda yadda. I'll be honest, it felt like a violation of my boundaries all over again and this was probably flamed by the wording of the amends email where I was left feeling "blamed" for their behavior (verbiage like "I did this because I felt like you weren't giving me enough attention")

Now, with this said I have also received a very lovely and sincere amends from someone that did not feel invasive but the person was still someone I did not want to resume a relationship with.

In both cases I asked myself what would be the thing I could do that would leave my energy as clean as possible. Not necessarily to let the other person "off the hook" or even give them any space with me, but just a way to pinball off of one another with no damage to each other.

My response to both of them, "Thank you. I wish you well."

I was able to get to that place because I believed both of those folks to be struggling with something out of their control. And you know what, I don't even need to know that people are struggling to be able to say, "Best wishes to you" but if I feel it, I say it.

Acknowledging them does not open the door to them to re-enter your life. But if you think they might see it that way, I could definitely understand why no response at all would be warranted.