[theoddz]

I came out as "gay" or "lesbian", I guess, in 1979, while in the USMC. It was "on the quiet" because being in the military and being GLBTQ was a huge no-no and you could lose a military career over it. I knew and know quite a few good Marines, Sailors, Soldiers, but not so many Airmen (simply because I haven't been around them as much) who got ejected by the military simply because they were not heterosexual. I even know a couple of STRAIGHT folks who suffered being investigated by the Naval Investigative Service, otherwise known as "NIS" during the infamous witch hunts that went on during the 70's and 80's. All but one of my own Drill Instructors from Parris Island MCRD were thrown out after a big witch hunt investigation that went on in 1981. It was horrible.

I remember parking a mile or more from a gay bar in Oceanside, San Diego, Los Angeles, and Palm Springs, CA, in order to avoid the NIS agents who stood outside, on the watch for cars to pull up outside of the gay bars with military stickers on them. Once they had your name, there was a good chance that you'd get pulled in for investigation, or your name would be used in the many lies that the NIS agents would give to those under investigation as a means to coerce a confession from them. You never used your military ID as an age verifier to get into a gay bar. You did that and they had your name, too. This past year, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy ended and things changed for gays and lesbians in the military. I never thought I'd ever see that, but there it is and that brings me profound joy. I think of all those I knew who were ejected from the military, sometimes with an "other than honorable" discharge, which meant that they didn't get Veterans' benefits, for no other reason than for being gay. I see their faces in my memories now, and it can bring me down if I let it. Then I feel the joy again. I think of how things were then, and then I come back to how good this all is now and how very strong our community is, now that we've all come together into one big loving, vibrant force.

So much has changed in the 33 years since I first came out. I no longer identify as "gay". I'm a queered straight transman who happens to be attracted to women and I'm kind of invisible now. Hey, I understand how some of our Femmes feel now, with the invisibility thing. I see a lot of things both ways now. I think that is a gift, really. Some things you just never understand until you've walked on both sides of the fence. I've seen soooo much change in my years walking through this life. Sometimes I look back and I don't recognize the person I was 30+ years ago. I remember the struggle, though, and the feelings. I remember being shamed and my mother telling me that "there are names for people like YOU." She's evolved since then, I'm happy to say.

This is why I think Pride is important. Now, I have never been to a Pride event. I'm almost ashamed to tell any of you this, I must admit. I have always looked at this community as being proud and outspoken and, well, a community of activists, so to speak. There are so very many, many smart articulate good people here. I'm pretty proud of that!! I've only been a member of this group since about 2005 (over 2 web sites), but in these past 7 years, I've learned that being who we are is a source of pride and strength....at least for me it has been. It's peeled back a lot of layers of shame and marginalization that I felt for all those years of hiding and all the negative comments I've had to listen to all that time. More importantly, I think that since more of us have stepped forward and become visible, we are becoming a lot less marginalized and even more heterosexual folks have stepped forward in support of us and our quest to be treated equally. Visibility is a powerful tool, and it is important for us to live our lives honestly and openly, and be who we are. Only that will lift the veil of ignorance, hate and fear that is really at the root of all the bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, etc. What's that saying?? "Open your mind and heart and your ass will follow"?? Yeah, that's it.

So, about Pride......

I never thought I'd ever see this happen, but it did:



I think, for me, the above made my stepping out, becoming visible and demanding to be treated equally......all worth it. You know, it took a whole lot of courage to do what our GLBTQ community has done over the years. We got that kind of courage from each other, and there is strength in numbers. We have done this, we have moved forward together. That's what we can be proud of.

So yes, Happy Pride to all of us!!! If you're so inclined, get out in the street, wave flags, hug on each other, share your joy and do your part to celebrate in whatever way you choose. Me?? I have to work on Las Vegas' Pride weekend, so I can't attend, but that doesn't mean that I'm not feeling it in my heart, because I do. We have so very, very much to be proud of and it's so worth celebrating.

~Theo~