[Esme nha Maire]

UK society is, of course, different to USA society, although I'm not equipped to comment on precisely how, as I have never visited the USA. And different individuals will have their own unique circumstances and personalities that dictate how they deal with the issue that Ascot raises.

With regard to my sexuality, I neither hide it nor make a big deal of it. I occasionally find myself in conversations initiated by someone desperately trying to be polite and not offend but deeply curious about one or other of the minorities of which I am a part. I'm good with that - any politely put question that clearly isn't trolling will get a polite answer from me.

But I'm a tad eccentric, and I find this is actually fairly useful when dealing with things LGBT. I used to look standard femme years ago, and folk assumed I was straight, unless they saw me with my girlfriend. Nowadays, even aside from often wearing durable clothing due to being a horticulture student, I'm generally in that andro/vaguely butch with femme highlights zone appearance wise, and there are both Goth and Steampunk influences in how I look, which can vary widely. Folk tend to notice me, I stand out in a crowd - so they see how I behave, and note what kind of person I am, and they remember me.

The staff in the local shops know I'm a polite person and am never shitty with them. A few 'read' me (I'm MTF as well as lesbian), many do not (and some might do but not comment, of course) - none gives me bother, all of them treat me as I would like them to. A small number know I'm lesbian, and again absolutely no problem. What they're interested in is - am I a nice person? If yes, naught else matters to them - as it should be.

I've also been involved with the Human Library project a few times thus far, its purpose being to educate members of the general public on folk who are simply different to them, whether that be ethnically, culturally, religiously, sexuality, whatever. Each time has been quite interesting, with a wide range of folk coming to 'read' (have a chat with) me for half an hour on each occasion.

The only tiresome aspect has been those who assume that my upbringing had much to do with either my sexuality or gender identity, and they're uniformly disappointed when it becomes obvious to them that their pet theories (usually Freudian, damn him!) are incorrect, at least in my case. Although that in itself is a good thing, as it helps to dispel some of the unhelpful myths on such matters, and I can mentally grit my teeth for half an hour to chat to such folk :-}

Feedback from such sessions has been uniformly positive, and I've been lucky enough to have been able to point a couple of folks in the direction of help they greatly needed as a result, too. It pains me that even these days those two didn't feel they could speak to their doctor, but hey, I guess going to speak to an eccentric at a Human Library event is less likely to cause comment amongst their immediate social circle, so it's all good.

Much to my surprise, despite my change in visual style to what it is nowadays, I've still been getting hit on by guys about once a month, which amuses and irritates me in equal measure. On the one hand - hey, I've still got it - on the other - go away guys, and why can't it be women making passes at me, grrr?! (chuckle). Usually the subject of my sexuality doesn't crop up - they just see fairly rapidly that I'm not interested and desist. If it DOES crop up, it generally doesn't cause any negativity, although even when it does, it rarely goes beyond the usual stupidities ("you just haven't found the right bloke" - odd, that!). I have been able to get a couple of blokes to understand that it's whom I fancy, not what they might be able to do that matters in this regard... :-} It's been many years since I've had any seriously worrying moments,though.

Absolutely no problems at college, but that's to be expected, though I have to say, I'm deeply impressed by my young male classmates, who seem to regard me a bit like an eccentric aunt as well as a fellow student, and are very helpful and look out for me whenever anything strenuous is involved (which is welcome, as I am not terribly robust at the moment). I still find myself grinding my teeth and wanting to belt one or other of them about once a week, but that's more to do with them being young rather than anything else! (chuckle). They know I'm lesbian and have absolutely no problems with that - one of them has a lesbian sister.

So, yeah - that's me. I'm visible, because, well, I just am, I don't have the luxury of invisibility (not unless I'm prepared to try to be not-me, and I hope it comes as no surprise to anyone here that THAT just isn't going to happen!), but on the other hand, it tends to be my vague general eccentricity ('alternative style', if you will) that folk notice first, so I guess that probably tends to prepare folk for the possibility that I might be unusual in other ways too. (shrugs)

I think the greater the progress of various feminist threads in society, and the more LGBT people that are visibly about, the less odd and more normal we seem. We go from being those weirdos who exist only for the titillation of others (in some folks minds) to 'Oh, that's my friend, she's cool, good lass, her and her wife' s kid is in the same class as my youngest' - and then whoever the speaker is talking to gets the message that the person being spoken of is OK, acceptable in society, because someone they trust accepts them. So long as we are 'other' we can be mentally labelled as not-people, but when we are 'just people' like everybody else, it's harder for the bigots to gain traction against us. Which will never stop them trying, of course, but lets not make things easy for them, eh?

Do what you can for the cause, but stay safe!