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Old 08-24-2018, 08:36 PM   #4013
nycfem
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Today I was about to go to the gym and a good friend, an old colleague, texted me to ask if I had time to talk about something personal. She actually wrote "persona," so somehow it took me about 10 minutes to realize she had meant to write "personal" and that I should contact her (The text read: "Can you talk? Persona."). So instead of go to the gym, I made a quick decision to walk in the park. It was 5:30 in the evening and I walked for two hours, catching right before sunset- a beautiful time to walk. I live half a block from a huge endless beautiful park (Riverside), and the weather was perfect, so it was a very nice choice.

She talked to me for about an hour and a half about her abusive relationship, and I know her partner well and am well aware that it is an abusive relationship- physically, emotionally, and verbally. I try not to alienate friends when they are in abusive relationships, since it gets to the point that no one else can handle listening to them, and everyone needs an ear. She got it all out and then did ask for advice, which is the only time I like to give advice, when someone is ready for it. I worked on hashing out a safe plan for getting away and also validated her feelings. So it was deep. We usually talk extremely casually, often because the partner is there, and we don't want to trigger the partner- the whole control, suspicion, walking on eggshells thing.

I feel so relieved that I made the call and didn't just ignore the text and go to the gym. I wouldn't put that past myself, not realizing how serious a situation is. Instead I veered toward the park and called her and said, "I have all the time in the world to talk to you." She got teary and said she didn't know what she'd do without it. It was an intense reminder that if a friend reaches out, it's important to make room for it, that they may not have anyone else who can listen to disturbing details that they need to discuss so that they can get validation and feedback on what to do.

Anyway... it smelled so good in the park. There is nothing like nature.
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