[Nat]

Yesterday I happened upon a podcast with a different interpretation of forgiveness than I'd heard before. It was on one of "Ariel's DCW Lectures" called "Dynamic Healing."

"I was raised Catholic, and I know that because of Adam and Eve, I am guilty. That's the way I was taught, and that's the way it's gonna be and the only way to get forgiveness is by groveling. And the only way to forgive another is by 2 ways - you can either - from a fundamentalist perspective - say, 'Well, you're bad, but I'm saved now, so I will forgive you,' and put yourself up there and them down here. Or you can say, 'Oh well, we're all rotten, miserable sinners, so it doesn't matter.' And so you're all down here.

But what real true forgiveness is, once you start following your heart and following that peaceful place every day - real true forgiveness is none of that. Real true forgiveness is being able to see past all that other stuff, to see right into the heart of who that other person really is - they aren't their past mistakes, they aren't their temper tantrum, they aren't their disease, the aren't their resume, they are not their body - they aren't any of those things. What they are is a child of the universe, a child of love.

And what you're here to do - the only purpose that you're here is to teach love to them. Not talk love to them. Not beat them over the head with your philosophy. Not lecture at them. But to love them. And it's a silent thing - they don't even have to know you're doing it... In fact, the work is much more potent to do this work internally and keep your mouth shut.
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Being loving doesn't mean you're enabling people's behavior or that you let people treat you however they want to treat you - that's not being loving. If somebody is treating you in a way that is unloving, 'A Course in Miracles' would say they are calling out for love. They aren't being bad - they are being frightened. It will manifest in all kinds of hideous ways. Condemnation of them is not the answer, but it's also not the answer to enable that behavior. So, oftentimes, 'No,' is the loving response.
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Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to have lunch with them. Just because you forgive an abusive parent doesn't mean you have to engage in a conversation with them necessarily."

Anyway, I thought I'd post it because I found it worth considering enough to write down. There are elements I like in what he said. I don't know that I accept all of it, but I do like the idea of looking past a person's mistakes and bad behavior and seeing them - if nothing else - as a person. Loving is another matter, which seems pretty broadly defined up there, though I like that he said that 'oftentimes 'no' is the loving response.' And I like that he said the work is often best done in silence. I guess every once in a while, a person may benefit from knowing you forgive them but I don't think that's the point of forgiveness.