[nycfem]

I've been in a number of abusive relationships (prior to my long-term current relationship). For those of us from abusive families, an abusive relationship can feel comfortable because it is familiar and our "normal." Conversely, a healthy relationship can initially, in my experience, feel uneasy, even boring. I've been in my current relationship over eight years, and it's been a growing process to get used to receiving consistent kindness and even to relax and enjoy it. Anyway, here are some of the memories that come to mind as signs that I was in an abusive relationship:

- the person treats me beautifully in public in front of people we know and horrible at home

- someone at work looked at me and said, "Something is wrong in your life right now. You can deny it but I can see it everyday on your face."

- there are sometimes no triggers at all why someone frequently blows up, i have to guess why, and if it ever does come to light it makes no sense, is nothing i could have ever predicted

- i'm not sleeping, not eating right, not exercising, crying, always trying to please the person, spending most of the relationship in conflict, with the occasional high of being forgiven for the moment, making lists of why to stay or leave, constantly thinking about leaving or breaking up and getting back together over and over