[Soft*Silver]

I too like the idea of this thread and it actually addresses some things that have baffled me as well. I am not diagnosed with Aspergers but I have at times gotten lost in the ways of relating to other humans.

I am a confusing to myself because many times people have told me how sensitive I am and how they feel so comfortable telling me things, or they appreciate how I can read into them and know just what to say.

And yet, other times, I am accused of being totaly insensitive, of not honing in on what someone wants from a conversation/discussion and sliding right over an obvious declaration (verbal or non verbal) of need.

I know both are true. But why is it I can be so sleuthy in regard to one person or discussion and so thick in regard to another?

so I HAVE been pondering this and this is what I know to be true of me:

I can be soft in my approach. The softness usually comes into play when I am in need to protect the other person. But soft doesnt mean hesitant. I am still blunt, just softer about it. It was one of my best styles of communication with my clients as a therapist. I could get the message across, but with a embrace of safety and acceptance from me as well.

However, I havent been a therapist in a long time.

I spend alot of my time angry. Most of it has to do with being hurt. I am working on this and it has gotten much better. I have found that I can be pretty blunt when something about someone provokes this ember of anger within me.

so thats one way I am blunt and I am aware of this.

but there are other times when I get called on the carpet for being insensitive, too blunt, and I am just dumbfounded. I "thought" I was sensitive. Or at least aware and in tune to the person, not laying in on him or her, but relaying my message. And in these cases, I am so lost, I cant even tell you what I am doing, in order for me to explain what has happened. I dont know what has happened! Its only afterwards, when I am told, that I become aware of this insensitivity. In fact, often, I cant even see it after I am told it!

I would like to know if anyone else experiences this. Sometimes, I feel like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory, as he tries to figure out if someone is joking or serious. Sarcastic or not. A joke or just a statement.

so now that I said all that, I want to answer your questions too:

Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
yes. When I cant see when I have been insensitive, and am told I have been, I do apologize. Just because I cant understand why they feel that way, THEY FEEL THAT WAY. and that was not my intent. I do not engage with people to make them feel bad, usually. (sometimes I do want them to feel bad. Call me a bitch. But its an honesty. Piss me off and you will see this side of me. Hurt someone I love and you will see this side of me) So, if I have indeed made someone upset when it wasnt my intent, yes I will apologize. For that. But not for what I needed to say. I will acknowledge I could have said it a different way. And then ask them to help me figure out a way so I can try to do that if there is a next time with them.

Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
tough one. Some of it depends on the other person, how uncomfortable or insecure they are. This is not a deal breaker for me in regard to relationships. I know too well, the wounded soul. Sometimes people arrive in relationships still hurting from past shit others have done to them and made them insecure and damaged. So if they cant tolerate me appreciating something attractive in another person, I can remain silent about it. However, if they continually accuse me of looking at someone else (which i dont do) then it becomes an issue that could be a deal breaker. I can be sensitive about their insecurity but I wont be constantly accused of being technically unfaithful to them. Thats a bigger hole than I want to try to climb out of...

Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?


Both. yes, Both. I do not always orgasm. I still enjoy the physical intimacy of sex and can be extremely aroused...but I do not orgasm regularly. It has very little to do with the skill of the other person. (well....maybe...some...) It has to do with my mechanics. (private knowledge and not for public. However, its a physical thing, not a mental one) I am FINE with it. I am up front about it. But oh god, it becomes a challenge with some people. They have to fix me. They have to be the ONE to make me cum. I can be as honest as Abraham, but if I dont fake it sometimes, the other person ends up feeling like shit. I have ended relationships because the other person needed me to cum more than I needed myself to cum. I dont want to have to lie in a relationship. So I end it eventually if the other person cant deal. Thankfully chrissy is just fine about it. While he wishes I could cum all the time (so do I, for that fact), he knows it just aint gonna happen so we relax and have our fun without the pressure. Thank god.

Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
I absolutely say something. And this is one area where people tell me they appreciate my honesty. In fact, in trade school I was elected by my class to be the person to pull someone aside and tell them they had a body or breath odor or their uniform wasnt clean or that their own hair needed more attention. (I was in cosmetology class)

Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?
sometimes when people get into relationships, their friends arent always happy about it. Suddenly their friend isnt always available to hang out with them as often. Or the dynamic changes when a new person is added to a mix of people who have been friends for years. I had horrible experiences with two past relationships where friends were possessive about the person I was involved with and blatantly worked to break us up. Obviously it worked. LOL. THEY had no problem telling my partners they didnt like me or the relationship. Why wouldnt I say I didnt like them either? In fact, the more dysfunctional they got about me, the worse I became about them. Sad, but true, I actually fell into the whole dysfunctional dynamic.

When I met chrissy, I realized right off the bat, I did not like his best friend. Unlike the past experiences, when I told chrissy this, he didnt try to change my mind or defend his friend, or accuse me of being judgemental. All he said was "oh well". He doesnt need me to adore his friend. I honor and respect their relationship and have grown to even find things I like about his friend. But chrissy didnt need my approval. And I didnt expect him to banish his friend from our life. His simple and mature acceptance of my feelings kept it from blowing out of proportion.

Now, do I white lie? Of course I do. Everyone does. However, if I have to do it alot in a relationship, something isnt working right. Some balance of power is askew. I cant even come up with a good example of a white lie with chrissy. That is indicative of how few times I resort to this. White lies should be in the parameter of harmless. If they are in the danger zone of harmful, they arent white lies. They are building blocks for a fort of deception.

I will tell you that chrissy is appreciatively blunt with everyone and everything. And not stupidly so. He has a measurement of honesty in everything he says. And intelligence. The man is super smart and credible in his assessments of people and life. I trust in his words. He calls me on my shit all the time. and not in a derogatory manner. As my submissive, he is very humble regarding his service to me. It would be an afront to him, to lie to me about myself. When he addresses me in regard to honesty, it is with reverence. Yet, he pulls no punches. He has an incredible way of worshiping me, with candor. He will not lie to me to save me from feeling hurt. I HATE when people do that. It is one of the top ten sins someone can do to to me. (I can still remember one of my exes telling me she didnt tell me she was unhappy in our relationship because she didnt want to hurt me...but she cheated on me and left me for the other woman. Guess I got hurt anyways, right? She lied to me to spare my feelings then hurt me worse than telling me the truth would have hurt me.) When chrissy tells me something, I am told it with love. Regardless of what it is, its always the truth. And I trust in that. Others might not be able to handle his level of truth. Its one of the main reasons I could fall in love with him.