[genghisfawn]

Jaques is right when it comes to sexism not being a one-way street. People may argue and say that because western society still favours men that it's even moreso not all right for there to be sexism against women, but in our society everyone polices each other, and nobody polices each other like women do.

A close transguy friend of mine has often bitterly come to me and talked about the nasty sexist things he's heard not only from men, but from women, about everyone. He said that, to him, the stuff about women stands out because of the years spent living as a girl and woman, and because of his love for his wife and their daughters. The stuff about men stands out to him because he still finds himself on his guard about gender presentation, although he passes. The stuff about queer people in general, too, stands out because of the fear which remains in queers because of the backhanded, backstage treatment they get when they think another red-blooded het-and-cis dude is listening. I listen, and I agree, and I feel upset.

No matter what someone's gender ID is, there's always someone out there who'll make them feel terrible for not being an ideal of "enough" or "correct". I see it within queer communities, too, where folks will critique butches and effeminate gays for transgressing gender standards, or for taking on gender standards which don't belong to their birth-assigned sex.

For all of the women out there who cut each other down harshly to build themselves up, the men who cut women down harshly to try and retain their slipping grip on patriarchal privilege, the men who target each other with gender policing and "no-homo" talk, the women who emasculate men for perceived gender failings when relating to women, the folks who don't fit into gender binary who closely observe the behaviour of non-binary others who may not fit their ideal of gender warrior... please stop. Please God, stop.

I hear some femmes even within our community talk down about butches as though they're some sort of ideal of buffoonish, cartoonish masculinity; I also hear some butches talk about femmes as though they were a different species constructed completely out of asspain and intentional feminine misery. This, I think, is incomprehensible.

However... however... for every person I meet who has nothing good to say about anyone, I meet some others who eschew bias altogether and simply enjoy the varieties and stereotypical behaviour identifications in others not as gendered behaviour, but individual foibles and endearments.

It's all sexism and any perpetuation of sexism from anyone towards anyone makes life just a little harder for everyone. There are better ways to bond with others than to bring someone else down.

*hands the soapbox back and dusts off her tights*